Just Surviving (#Clexa)

Blood Must Not Have Blood

Lexa POV

Preparing for war against the people I went out of my way to save is very different to what I'm used to. And having Clarke gone, conversing with them in their territory, has me restless. She was only meant to be gone for an hour or two, and she left at midday.

It's been seven hours.

Either Clarke has betrayed me and joined their ranks – which I suppose I'd deserve – or they've captured her and she's their prisoner. Either way, it means I've lost her. And I have to get her back.

I haven't eaten or sat down since Clarke left, simply pacing and brainstorming tactics. Twelve against one should be easy, but if ten of their warriors can kill three hundred of ours, I have something to be worried about. Indra watches me, her face shining with sweat and her eyes dulled from the pain of her wound.

'I don't know if we can beat their guns,' she mutters now. 'Not unless we use them ourselves.'

Pausing in my pacing, I close my eyes and wrap my fingers even tighter around the hilt of my sword. We have no time to train with guns. No time at all. The battle happens tomorrow, and everyone in Arkadia will die.

Even if Clarke is in there, I have to do it for my people. That's how it works.

And maybe I can send out men just to find her during the battle and bring her to safety – that could work, right? I should have enough resources with twelve clans at my back. And Clarke is the most valuable resource of all; without her, I'm not sure how many more battles I'll be able to win.

'Heda!' A guard steps into the tent, panting, and I stare him down until he speaks again: 'She's back.'

Hastily, I deliver him a quick nod, and he steps out so Clarke can enter. When she strides in, I make sure to wipe all traces of relief from my face at seeing her alive and unharmed.

Clarke stops right where she is, and I resume my relentless pacing.

'Where's Octavia?' Indra demands.

'She's watching over camp.'

'So,' I say, getting down to business. 'Tell us, Clarke. How does this end?' Angered by the fact that she looks as if she's been crying, I continue: 'Have you come up with a way to save your people yet again?'

Clarke swallows. 'No. Only you can do that.'

I don't stop pacing.

'What happened here was an act of war. Your army was here to help us, and my people slaughtered them. You have every right to respond, every right to wipe us out.'

I glower at Clarke tiredly, waiting for her to make her point.

'Or you can change the way you do things,' she suggests.

With a start, I stop my pacing and cock my head curiously at the golden-haired girl, not sure if I've heard her properly.

'Why should she change?' Indra sneers. 'Blood must have blood.'

'Really?' Clarke retorts. 'Because from where I stand, the only way that ends is with everyone dead.'

Indra has no reply to that, and neither do I. We weren't brought up to question the laws of our society; only obey them. Revenge is one of the most powerful acts one can perform, and I've always been perfectly comfortable with it. But... to change that? To let terrible acts go unpunished? Impossible.

'What kind of leader do you want to be?' Clarke asks me, her eyes hard. 'The kind who kills every chance she gets because that's your way? Or the kind who shows the world a better way?'

If only Clarke weren't so good with words; then, I suspect this choice would be easy. But she seriously has me considering this, like the weakened fool I am. After years of serving as the Commander, I've begun to find the endless bloodshed tiring, as much as I hate to admit it. I've watched so many enemies fall, including the Ice Queen, and it no longer gives me the same satisfaction as it used to.

'You consider letting a massacre go unavenged a better way?' I snap.

'If it ends a cycle of violence, then yes.' Clarke stares me down. 'If it brings about peace, yes. Someone has to take the first step. Let it be you.'

Turning away from her, I resume my pacing, needing more time to think about this. It's a peculiar offer she's making, because it's not one that I can easily take. I've proven to my people that I'm worthy as Commander, and this could ruin how highly they think of me.

Clarke isn't letting me go, however. She follows me, insisting, 'You say you want peace. Everything you've done was to achieve that. Yet here we stand on the brink of another war – a war you could stop.'

Reluctantly, I meet her gaze again, seeing that same fiery passion in her eyes which always makes itself known when she's talking about her people. It's a look that weakens me and makes me feel much smaller than I am.

'Commander,' Indra says, sitting up slowly. 'You can't seriously be considering this.'

I continue to stare at Clarke, and she searches my face with anticipation, wondering if she's gotten through. 

'I'm not considering it,' I say without thinking.

Clarke's expression falls to one of helplessness. Her eyes darken, and she nearly looks away, but I capture her gaze with my own.

'I'm doing it.'

'Heda, please!' Indra exclaims.

'Indra,' I snap in reply. 'Our people act as if war is easier than peace. If that's so, should we not try and achieve the more difficult goal?'

My general is staring at me as if I've lost my mind. Clarke is gazing at me with more respect than she's ever had for me.

'Polis will not support you,' Indra points out. 'Titus...'

'Titus is my subject!' I shout. 'They're all my subjects!'

Indra watches silently as I take a step towards her, hand still on the hilt of my sword. 'Do you say they will defy me?'

When she's silent, I add, 'Will you defy me?'

'No, Heda, I will not.'

I draw myself up, nodding once. 'Then let it be known.' Clarke is still gazing at me in awe when I turn back to her, and I allow the aloofness to drop from my face. She watches me, and I watch her.

'Blood must not have blood.'