The Starving beauty

Home sweet home

Hi...I'm Riley Mathews a normal teenage girl... well I feel I am at least. Nobody else does I was shipped of half way across the world to "get better" because not eating isn't normal... apparently. It is when you fat like me though, I mean yeah I get it's bad but it's the only way to be thin. I'm coming home now though after a year in that place. They think they "fixed me" but they haven't you see I don't need fixing I'm already normal. Well normal enough anyway but nobody else agrees.

"HONEY!" I hear a girl squeal, the girls Maya Hunter. The girl who somehow wants to be my best friend. "PEACHES!" I squeal back hugging Maya. She hugs me a little to tight squashing my body which makes me yelp in pain. "You ok honey." Maya says instantly scanning my body, it's the first thing anyone ever does if something is wrong.

"I'm fine just a little jet legged." I smile a faked smile. "You sure Riles?" Maya says and I nod. "RILEY" I hear a large squeal and I see my uncle Shawn. "SHAWN!" I yell and jump into his open arms. Like everyone else he scans me other and smiles. "Look at you all grown up." Shawn smiles but I know what he actually wants to say.

Time skip to Rileys house.
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"RILEY!" I hear my little brother Auggie scream loudly running up to me. "Bubba!" I scream back as he jumps into my arms nearly pushing me over but I just put a smile on my face and place him down. "SWEETIE!" My mum and dad squeal giving me a huge hug. We talk for a while everyone filling me in on the things I missed then I began to get tired. "Mum is it ok if I get a shower?" I question and my mum simply nods. I go upstairs with my beautiful blonde friend since she's sleeping and head to my room.

"Honey...." Maya said making me turn my head. "Yeah peaches." I say trying to make my self focus. "You want some" she said making me notice the sickly looking food in her hands. "O..oh I'm ff...fine." I say trying to force a smile and trying to ignore the danger voice in my head telling me to run.

"Riley?" Maya said raising her eyebrows. "I....I'm f....fine." I almost
whisper stepping back a little. "Honey....?" Maya said her eyes brows still raised and her eyes began to hold worry. ".....I'm fine i....I'm jj...just n...not h...hun....hungry." I manage to say blinking back tears. "Are you really better?" Maya asked bitting her lip .

"I'm trying to be...." I say now allowing myself to not smile. "...Riles maybe you should go back...... I don't want you to but...." Maya whispered. "NO.... I mean I can't ok if anyone asks I'm fine please Maya" I pleaded my best friends who bit her lip. "Only for a while but if your not better soon I have to tell someone." Maya said with a thrown. I barley had the courage to talk so I just let a small breath come from my mouth.

Maya said she was going to get a shower and went into the bathroom. I decided to have one too. I decide to get a pair of sweat pants and a large jumper and make my way to the other bathroom. I walk in and begin to get undressed before walking to the mirror. Realising I've gained weight hurts so much.

I instantly thrown at myself and I can already hear the voices in my head telling me to do things. I hated that I gained weight but I had to so they would let me out. I'm going to lose it all again though. Ugh these thoughts what am I doing I need to get better. I come back to reality trying to focus on something else.

You I try my best to ignore the thoughts in my head telling me to starve as bad again and pocking at my ribs and remembering how much weight I have lost but it's no use and I feel my self begin to cry. I feel my blood boil and my first clench and before I know it there's a smash followed by blood my blood.

I immediately see the pieces of shattered glass and fall to the floor allowing myself to now cry. I didn't care if anyone can hear me or that the cold air was surrounding me. I didn't care that my stomach was killing I didn't care that everything hurt. Instead I just cried.

My thought began to. drift again. I'm so selfish I know but I can't help but not eat I can't help but hate myself. I can't help any of it. I'm just an ugly fat worthless attention seeking nobody. I.... I just want to die.... please kill me. Please please pleaseeeee kill me please. I really am ugly and way to fat I look like a fat ugly whale... no even worse.

It's not fair I just want to be skinny, pretty, worth something, loved like actually loved and happy and not the fake happy I pretend I am. Maybe that's never going to happen ok it's never going to happen if I'm honest because I'm so Ugly and fat and stupid and just everything wrong with the world I can't be any of those. Never hope Riley I remind my self as Maya says hoped for suckers.