The Starving beauty

Day out.

An- sorry it's been a long tome since I last wrote a chapter my own eating disorder has been eating away at me and every time I tried to write a chapter I broke down. So here's a way over due chapter!

I hear a familiar voice calling my name. "Riley, Riley." My younger brother Auggie called shaking me slightly. "What?" I whine at the young boy as I let out a yawn. "Mummy said to come wake you for breakfast." He says. My stomach quickly turns and I feel myself want to puke at just the thought of food. "I'm coming." I say with my best fake smile. I watch as my brother runs out my room. I sigh slightly and get up.

It's been a month since I was discharged. Nobody's suspected anything so far which is good. Accept for Maya who would occasionally check on me. She's the only one who knows that I'm not ok. She's the only one who cares. Who understand how hard it is. I eat although I wish I didn't but I try to limit how much I eat. Maya usually makes me eat when she gets the chance which I don't like but for some reason I do anyway.

"Hi Riley." My farther smiles as I sat down at the table. "Hi dad." I said forcing a smile onto my face. I already want to throw up and I haven't even seen the food. "Yummy." Auggie says. My mum slowly puts the plates of food down. I eyed the food. 100g of porridge (171 calories)

Don't eat it.
But I need to.
Don't.
I have to.
Do you want to be fat?
No.
Then don't eat it.
But-
Don't do it!
Ok...

I see my mum eyeing me and pick my spoon up trying my best to decide what to do. I can't eat it but I need to act like I am. "Riley stop." My dad said giving me a stern look. "What" I mumbled. "Stop shaking your leg." He said. I looked down and to my surprise my leg was shaking viciously. "Sorry I didn't notice." I say half meaning the sorry. "It's ok baby girl just stop ok? Let's eat." My mum chirped in trying to stay perky. I nodded placing yet another fake smile on my face.

You can do this Riley.

I put a little porridge on my spoon and place it into my mouth already regretting it. Just swallow. Run away spit it out you idiot. I sigh at yet another constant battle in my head. Fucking hell just fucking swallow the shit. I reluctantly swallow and my throat instantly burns. Wtf you absolute idiot why did you do that! Do you know how much that's going to cost us! "Shut up!" I scream.

"Riley what on earth." My mother said he her face holding both concern and anger. Great you fucking idiot now they think you're insane. "Sorry mum I was talking about my phone it keeps going off and I got annoyed sorry." Please buy it. Please buy it. Please buy it. My mum and dad both give each other a look of concern. "Honey are you being bullied again?" My dad said his face stern. "No I'm just a little stressed today sorry if I'm worrying you." I said.

"Sup losers." Maya says as the front door flings open. "Hey peaches." I smile at my best friend grateful she interrupted when she did. "Hey honey." Maya smiled. "Where are you going?" My mum asks as I stand up. "To my room with Maya." I say. "Riley you haven't finished breakfast." My dad said sternly. I looked at Maya with pleading eyes. She looked at me and sighed. "Actually I was going to take Riley to do some shopping. I'll get her breakfast on the way." Maya said. My mum and dad shared a look before nodding. "Ok have fun. Don't be out to long." My mum smiled. "I'll go get dressed." I smile.

I get up and make my way to my room Maya following closely behind. "You know you're still eating right?" Maya said. "I guessed." I sigh. Maya let out a sigh herself flopping onto my bed a thrown upon her face. "Ok how about this. Well go to that really nice breakfast place you like and you can have just fruit if you want ok? As long as you eat something I'm ok." She said after a second. I go to argue but stop myself knowing I won't win. "Ok but I need to get dressed." I smile.

I grab my clothes and a fresh pair of underwear before heading to the bathroom. I take my pjs off and put on a blue floral two piece with a white lace bottom. I sigh as I catch my reflection. Look at how fat you are. Weigh yourself I dare you! I remind myself not to as I debate it for the 20th time today. I distract myself by thinking of Maya and put my hair into two space buns on either side of my head. I apply a small amount of makeup before I grab my clothes and make my way back to my room. "You look pretty honey." Maya smiled causing me to blush slightly. I grab my perfume and spray it allowing myself to close my eyes for a split second.

"Thank you. Are you ready?" I ask. "Whenever you are." Maya smiled. I put on a some white lace flats and grab my jacket and bag. "Ready." I smile as my best friend who gets off my bed and links my arm. I get a whiff of strawberries and cream Maya's signature sent and smile slightly to myself. "We go out the window and make our way into town.

We finally get to the breakfast place. "Hey honey I'm right here." Maya said giving my hand a small squeeze.