The Starving beauty

Are you really better?

".....you haven't put on any weight since I last saw you your worse Riley. How? How are you getting skinnier? I didn't know that was possible." Maya cried making me bite my lip. It was true I never gained weight. I used every trick I had to make it seem like I did but I didn't.

"I have maya you heard them, I'm a healthy weight." I said avoiding contact with my beautiful best friend. " Riley ring promise me your not lying." Maya demanded me trying to keep her crying under control. Fuck I can't break a ring promise.

Maya and myself made it when we were 14 it was that type of promise that could never be broken. "Riley?" Maya questioned making me worry. "I promise." I said walking back toward my room. A firm hand pulled me back making me almost tumble backward. Maya must have seen because she pulled me back up.

"Your as light as a feather literally Riley.... ring promise me." Maya said looking me in my eyes. ".... I can't I'm sorry Maya." I sigh trying to get out her grip. "Then we will make you better, I promise Riles." Maya said trying to smile. She doesn't get it I don't need to "be better" I need to be perfect. I know I won't win though so I just smile and once out of her grip make my way to my bed.

"How do you think your eating disorder began?" Maya asked me after some hesitation, twisting the end of her hair. "I don't remember exactly but I remember one day I was doing my makeup. Sitting down in front of my large mirror. I guess I looked at it for a while because I began to notice how I hated my arms. I wanted to find something I loved about my body so I looked a little closer." I whispered.

"I looked for hours I spent all day in front of the mirror. Yet the more I looked the more I found things I hated. I looked over and over again for something anything there was to love. Yet I found nothing and the more I looked the more it hurt. Then I broke down and even when I sat there with tears falling down my face my breathing uneven...." I said trying my hardest not to cry as Maya hold my hand.

"..... I still couldn't find that one thing. Then I heard you say my name. So I jumped up whipped my tears, made my breathing a little better and made it seem like I found that one thing that I loved. Because maybe if I said I couldn't find it you wouldn't find it either. ..... everyone is perfect Maya I want to be perfect to." I cried into my best friends arms.

"Riley you are so perfect." Maya lied. "No! No I'm not stop saying that." I say getting mad. "Your right your not you are unhealthy!" Maya yelled slightly pulling me to the mirror. "If this is your idea of helping me it's not working." I whispered as a tear fell down my cheek. "Riley look at your self, you think that's healthy? You think that's beautiful? Do you think that is perfect. Do you think it's a good thing to have such vivid sharp bones?" Maya questioned.

"Maya stop!" I yell. "Look at you Riley your such a beautiful stunning girl but you are killing yourself. This isn't perfect Riley ." Maya stated. "You don't think I understand what I'm doing Maya of course I do! It's the price someone as ugly and fat as me has to pay though!" I scream as tears poor down my face like an ocean. "I just want to help you Riley, let me help you!" Maya yelled back. "I DONT WANT HELP MAYA! I DONT DESERVE YOUR HELP! I DONT WANT IT I WANT TO BE HOW I AM!!" I scream half lying of course I want to be better but I can't.

Finally Maya gave up she just hold me and let me cry in her arms. I wanted to get better but I couldn't I knew that. I softly cried as she hold me until my eyes become heavy and began to shut.