Hi...I'm Riley Mathews a normal teenage girl... well I feel I am at least. Nobody else does I was shipped of half way across the world to "get better" because not eating isn't normal... apparently. It is when you fat like me though, I mean yeah I ge...
I allowed myself to get of the floor and slowly made my way into the shower. My mind started racing as I allowed the hot water to hit my cold back allowing me to finally feel warmth.
I felt the bones of my feet on the now warm tiles of the shower slowly begin to move around. My head trying to spin back to calories, why I try to focus on keeping my vision clear. I reach for the shampoo already feeling to tired to do anything. I apply the shampoo to my now wet scalp and allow myself to relax. A small sigh escapes my mouth as a few strands of my hair fall out.
My arms droop at the side of my aching body. My legs begin to wobble As I try to make them stay straight. My feet ache as the bones are rubbed more onto the hard tiles. My hands shake slightly as I allow them to dangle. My head begins to hurt as I tilt it back to allow it to be rinsed of the shampoo.
I lift my head up slight and allow my feet to move as I try to get myself comfy. The bones in my feet are now so in contact with the tiles they almost become one. I let out a soft yelp as they once again hit the tiles. My vision now starts to become blurred so I finish washing my hair and stop The water.
I let out a sigh as I already become cold once again and open the shower door. My shaking weak hand stretched out slightly for the towel. I wrapped it around my now shaking body as I grew colder.
The funny thing is people think I don't know I'm ill but I do. It's just I can't get better. I don't deserve to eat. My weight should keep decreasing not begin to increase. I don't belong in this world. I don't need to eat.... I can't eat. Food is one of the only things I can control in my life. Food is my worst enemy. Me and Ana can't let it win.
Ana is my best friend, she has been since I was 10. Ana was one of the people who showed me the truth and told me what to do in my journey to getting skinny. Ana shows me how to fix things if I mess up and reminds me of the calories when I am tempted to eat. Ana is such a good friend and never lies to me.
She helps me fight the doctors and people telling me to eat. She is always the first person to comment the truth to me when you see me in the mirror. She always reminds me of how certain clothes look and what people think. She's always reminding me the weight I have lost means nothing if I'm fat. She's always reminding me that when I want to eat I'm being an idiot because I can't. She's always reminding me all these doctors are tricking me.
"Honey?" I hear Maya's sweet voice say bringing me back to reality. "Y...yeah" I manage to say back. "What do you want watch Riverdale or what?" She asks her voice as soft as always. "Whatever you want to watch peaches." I smile even though she can't see me. "Ok Riverdale it is" she says making me laugh slightly.
I sigh and slowly bend down to get my clothes. I sigh putting on my jumper that feels miles to big and my leggings that cling loosely on my body. I sigh once again looking at myself in the mirror. I keep my focus on my legs the one thing I always hate the most.
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"Uuuuggghhh I'm so Fucking fat please kill me!" I think out loud to myself. I try my best to hold my tears and unlock the door. I bend down to get my dirty things and yelp in pain. "M... maya..." I say looking at my best friend who all of a sudden begins to cry.
