[17]: Internal conflict

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I just don't have the guts to tell Eren though. He did tell me that he'll always be there for me, but I feel like a big baby, and I want, in fact, I am independent, and can handle things myself. I don't have a father, so I am independent.

So I'll tell him when the time is right. If my feelings go away for Levi, I'll be fixed.

~

Today, I've been noticing that Levi has given me a lot of glances. He's making my face heat up, and we caught eye contact at least once. I immediately looked away. Even though sometimes I refused to look, I felt eyes burning holes through me from a cross the class from Levi.

Just as well I wasn't in much lessons with him today, I think would've had some explaining to do. Levi and Natsumi are in most classes together, they are in the higher classes as they are the brainy ones.

Left out, as usual~

~

Finally it's the end of the day, I can end my suffering. I went to get my bags and folders out of my lockers. But just as I was about to go. I got pinned to my locker.

"There you are." Levi said. My eyes widened. Why here of all places...? Levi leaned a little closer and stared me dead in the eye. I backed away until my head was touching the locker. "H-hi Levi!" I stuttered at the fact that his arms were caging me in and how close his face was to mine.

"You've been ignoring me today?" He asked. "N-no I haven't. What are you on about?" I answered nervously. Levi sighed and removed his hands from my sides. "I'm worried about you. You seem distant yet you keep saying its alright. Is everything alright at home?"

"Of course it is!" I stuttered. Come to think of it, I've even been hiding this issue from my mother too. "Tch. Tour obviously lying. And its annoying me. You can't even trust your best friend which you've known for years." Levi retorted.

That really stuck me. I felt even worse, because that's true, and I feel so fake. I can't keep hiding it. I have a crush on him for crying out loud. If that wasn't the case, none of this, would've even happened!!!

Guilt started to well up inside of me, and I started to feel a lump in my throat. "I don't like seeing you like this its really bothering me. And Natsumi had noticed this too."

It's Natsumi, she's the cause of all this!!! Where did I go wrong... I made a mistake... a big mistake... a BIG mistake... of becoming friends with her. Wait... why am I even thinking this!! That's just heartless!!

"Why ___, please just explain..." Levi asked gently. I suddenly felt tears well up in my eyes. All this lying... I can't hold it in anymore... I love you so much Levi... you don't understamd how much pain this is causing me...

My body quivered a little, not to my liking, and Levi's expression soon turned into one of shock as his eyes went wide.

I felt a hand gently tilt my chin up. Please... Levi... I don't want you to see me like this...

Soon my eyes were locked onto his, and pure shock was written over his face. Tears were steaming down my face uncontrollably. I suddenly realised how much pain this was causing to me, as well as Levi.

I swatted his hand away and walked off. But before I left the school doors, I took one last glance at him, and saw his hurt yet confused expression, as well eas Natsumi a distance behind him. I couldn't tell her facial expression, she was too far.

I'm so sorry Levi... I just can't... not any more... why is this getting to me so bad... I can't let you see me like this....

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