Eren X Levi One Shots ❃ Ereri

Voices

'What would you do if I said I wanted to kill myself?'

'I'd tell you that you shouldn't.'

'What if I did?'

'Then I'd try to save you with all that I had.'

They had that same conversation every day. Eren had been suicidal since he was 22 and even after meeting Levi, the voices didn't fade. They were still in his head, day in and day out. Some people told him he had a condition- one that wasn't as easy to label as depression. Eren refused to go to the doctor.

Those voices weren't himself, they were his ghosts haunting him. He didn't know what it was yet it always lingered over his shoulder. Sometimes they would even take human form. Sometimes Eren would see them. Eren could never tell what they were.

'What would you tell me if I said I wanted to kill myself?' Eren whispered, his voice shaking as they sat, entangled, on their large bed in their shared apartment.

'I'd tell you that you shouldn't.' Levi sighed, the words becoming a mantra more than truth.

'What if I did?' Eren sounded curious. Levi couldn't hear the usual sadness. It was as if he had lost all fear. Those repetitive words were no longer safe words but the warning of trouble. They were foreboding, deadly. Levi knew it was coming.

'You won't.' He shook his head, in denial of what was to come.

'But, what if I did?' Eren looked at Levi with tears in his eyes.

'Then I'd leave too!' Levi shouted, filling the silence of the room with an echoing scream.

'Why?' Eren whispered, the first tear spilling.

'Don't you understand that I love you!' Levi whispered, his voice cracking under the strain of his words. 'Don't you understand that you're all that I have.' He continued. 'Don't you realise that it's not me that doesn't love you but you who doesn't love me. Why would you leave if you loved me? If you loved me you would never ask these bloody questions!' Levi had lost his temper. It wasn't the first time, second maybe. It was a rare occasion. Levi was temperate, controlled and mysterious- that was what made Levi, Levi.

'I want to leave because I love you.' Eren choked out, looking into Levi's eyes, finding only a dull grey. No life was left. Eren had drained him of that already diminished light in his eyes. Those eyes had turned from blue to grey. His skin had turned from tanned to pale. His hair had turned from black to grey.

Levi was withering and it was all Eren's fault. What Eren couldn't see was that Levi had always been like that. He had been born a pessimist.

'How does that make any sense, Eren? How can you actually believe that leaving me isn't cruel! I love you, do you not see that?' Levi tried to shout but he already lost all energy to do so. He was withering but it was all his fault, not Eren's. Or, maybe it was. Eren was dependent but was Levi not as well?

'No! I don't.' He whispered, another tear slipping from his eyes. 'You look at me with ice in your eyes. You look at me like I'm nothing. You look at me just like you look at everyone else!' Eren was shaking but Levi no longer had the energy to argue. He simply hummed, his eyes closing.

'Don't you dare fall asleep on me, you b*stard.' Let him sleep, it will give you time to leave. That man spoke, he was behind Eren. He was on the bed with him, watching as Levi fell limp on the bed.

How Levi had fallen asleep so quickly, probably the lack of food. He hadn't eaten in at least a few days, it was starting to take its toll. You're burdening him. It's time to leave. It's time to join me. Eren turned to the man, the ghost, who was looking at him.

It was the same man as it had been so many times before. It was the man with the raven hair, the ice blue eyes, the smile. It was the man who reminded him so much of Levi before this all. The Levi that had life. This was a Levi who had life. This was the man he wanted to love.

'What if leaving him only makes it worse.' Eren's voice trembled, Levi's logic hitting him as if a sudden crash of reality. It won't. Joining me is your only option, Eren. You want to go back to then, don't you? You miss then, don't you? You want to return to the place of your dreams. The place of giants. All you have to do is die in this world and you'll wake up again. This is a dream, Eren. Wake up.

'I don't think I can if that involves dying. I don't think I'm brave enough to do it.' Eren looked to the real Levi, pushing his hair back from his face, admiring his beauty. 'I don't want to leave him.' He whispered.

You won't be. You'll be joining him. I am him. Don't you see that?' Eren shook his head. 'You're not him. You just look like him, that's all.' He reassured himself, his voice trembling with uncertainty. It's time to leave, Eren. Please, I'm begging you. I want you back. Eren looked back to the ghost. He looked so alone, so lost, so forgotten. Eren looked him in the eye just as he did with the man asleep next to him and solved the puzzle. 'I'll do it.' The man smiled a smile so bright that Eren felt blinded. It was as if the man really was an angel.

Eren, dazed, stood up, walking aimlessly towards the kitchen. A knife would do. Eren scoured through the drawers and found it, watching it reflect the moonlight shining through the grimy windows. 'Can you do it?' Eren asked the man standing before him.

I'm not real, Eren. Of course, I can't do it. The man spoke as if it all made sense. Maybe it did, the answers were just not there yet. Eren nodded and brought the blade to his breastbone. 'Are you sure this will wake me up?' Eren asked, teary-eyed, to the man standing before him. I'm sure. And with that, Eren sliced and fell asleep. Fell asleep never to wake up. In that world at least.

He would find himself the land of giants again. He would find himself returned. The ghost had told the truth. It really was all a dream. Or was it the world he was in now that was the dream?

word count: 1536

published: 06.04.17