Dreams

Sucks..

'I feel so alone.' I thought to myself as I lay in my bed crying. Me and my boyfriend, well ex boyfriend now, just broke up an hour ago. I was trying to comprehend what had happened. We just drifted. I never wanted it to end this way, it just happened.

"Ash!" My mother called for me from downstairs. I sat up quickly, whipping my tears from my cheeks. "ASH!!" She called louder.

"C-coming!" I studded as I jump off my bed and run out my bedroom door. I run to the stairs. She stands at the bottom.

Her plump figure stands against the railing. She's always trying to look pretty with her colorful dresses and high boots. She has a cigarette in one hand and her other hand on her fat covered hip.

"Yes?" She looks up at me.

    "Dinner. Get your lazy ass down here and set the table." And with that she turned and disappeared into the living room.

I walk down the stairs and turn right into the kitchen. I get into the cabinets and grab three plates and three cups. I then walk and grab knives, forks, and spoons. I set everything out on the table.

    "Get that out of here!" She pushes the extra plate and silverware toward the end of the table. I grabbed them before they could fall off. "You know he's not going to be here. When does he ever show up for dinner?!"

I put them away and sit down at the table with my head down. My mum walks out of the room then comes back in and drops a box of pizza down in the center of the table.

I jump slightly and look at the box unamused. My mother laughs hysterically. "Bon appétit!"

    "I think I'm ganna be sick..." I push my plate away and stand up walking upstairs to my room. This is the fourth night in a row that we've had pizza for dinner, and I'm sick of it. My father usually cooks dinner, but since my mum and him had their fight a week ago he hasn't come home.

~**********************************~

I jump awake to a loud crashing sound. I sit up and stare at my door thinking someone broke in. Then I hear mumbles and off balance foot steps.

    "God... she's drunk again...." whisper to myself. I walk across the cold wood floor to my door. I lock my door and stumble back to my bed, tripping over a few things in the pitch black.

I pull the covers up to just over my chin and stare up into the darkness. Now it's a waiting game.

I lay there listening to the mumble turning to to screams, the off balance slow steps to the stomping.

'She's coming..' I think to myself as I pull the blanket over my face and cower into a ball of emotions. She starts wiggling my doorknob and pushing up against my door.

After a while of banging on the door and some shouting everything goes quiet. The only thing to be heard is my quiet whimpers, that I try to muffle.

    "Ash." A soft whisper comes from the other side of my door. "Ash? Are you crying baby? What's wrong? Come talk to mommy." She says a bit louder.

    "Mum, go to bed!" I try to keep my voice steady but it comes out shaky.

    "Ok honey. Goodnight." I listen to her footsteps going down the stairs and into her room.

~*********************************~

    "Come here. I wanna tell you something." He laughs. His laugh... oh damn his laugh. I smile and walk over to him, going in for a hug he seemed to be going for as well. He grabs my waist then pushes me sideways into a pile of snow.

We don't have proper clothes to be playing in the snow but who cares, when your in love everything feels warm and fuzzy.

We stayed at that park for a while playing in the snow. I attempted to push him backwards into the snow but I'm to weak. Eventually, when we were soaked and cold we walk to his house. He gets changed into sweat pants then walks out of the bathroom and looks at me.

    "Here, put these on." He hands me a pair of his many sweat pants. I take them.

    "Do I have to wear them? " I say uncomfortable as I look at them.

    "Yes" he laughs and kisses my forehead pushing me towards the bathroom.

I walk into the bathroom and change into the sweat pants. After looking at myself in the mirror feeling disgusting in myself I walk out into the living room.

He stands up off the couch and walks over to me. "You look sexy, baby girl." I blush and bury my face in his chest.

~*********************************~

I wake up, my face wet from the tears.

    "Damn." I whisper to myself. I sit up and wipe my face. I look around my room then at my clock. My eyes widen. "Shit. I'm ganna be late."

I jump up and get dressed. Run to the bathroom and brush my teeth then brush my hair. I put my hair up into a gross greasy messy bun. I run out the door and to the bus stop.

Once I get there the bus is loading. "Just made it" the bus driver says to me with a smile. I smile back and nod, panting hard. FYI, I'm out of shape. I might not look it since I'm skinny and all but that don't matter. I don't run often. It makes me feel uncomfortable. Boobs flying all over the place.

I take my usual seat towards the middle right of the bus. I sit alone. Not very many people like me at this school. I don't really care though. I like being alone. And by that I mean I like to be alone sometimes.... still like to know I have someone waiting when I return to the real world, and now I have no one.

I watch as houses move by quickly. Then a sharp turn into the school parking lot.

I walk off the bus and into the school with my head down, as usual. If you don't look at them then they have no reason to approach you... right?

I walk to my usual waiting place. "No... what am I thinking?" I walk to my math class. I sit in the back and pull out my sketch book. I doodle a bit. The teacher walks in then the bell rings. I completely zone out and concentrate on my drawing.

    "Ash." A faint voice comes from in front of me. "Ash!" I jump and look up.

    "Huh?"

    "Were you paying attention at all?" I look at the teacher. She looks pissed, then I look around the class room everyone is staring at me laughing. 'They are laughing, at me.. shit' I blush and start to hyperventilate.