Dreams

The walk

I open my eyes tiredly and sit up. I wipe the stray tear and get ready for the new day.

I do everything I usually do to get ready for school; shower, brush teeth stuff like that.

I get out of the house before my mum wakes up so I don't have to deal with her. I get on the bus and get to school. I look at the empty spot in the hallway where we used to meet in the morning, but today I don't stop. I make my way to math. My eyes locked on the floor as usual, till I hear a familiar voice. I look up to see him walking with his friends.

My eyes grow wide and I look down. I wish the floor would just swallow me whole. I get to math and I sit in my seat.

    "Shit... stop it.. you don't have feelings for him anymore." I whisper to myself. I try to take deep breath to calm down. My stomach is doing flips and I feel like I'm going to throw up.

    'So obviously.. yes I still do have feelings for this guy.. but I'm a girl who needs some entertainment in the relationship... I get bored easily... and he wasn't given me anything to keep my attention... not to mention we had nothing to talk about so we always fought with each other so that we could have something to talk about... plus... if I say I'm fat or unattractive.. it's so you will keep giving me attention.. that is not a cue to hit me~ I feel gross about myself so hit me... cuz that's going to make everything better.... sorry got a bit carried away there.'

The teacher walks into class and looks at me. "Miss Young. The school counselor would like to talk to you."

I sigh and stand up. Walking out the door into the hallway a bunch of memories come flooding into my head. Good and bad ones.

I run my fingers through my hair closing my eyes for a second to clear my head. I walk I got the office and up to the desk.

    "Mrs. Choi called me down?" I said awkwardly to the lady concentrating on her computer. I stand there for a little while till she finally have heartedly pride her eyes off her computer to look at me.

    "What?" She rose an eyebrow.

    "I'm here cuz mrs choi called me down.. can I just go in?" I pointed towards the direction of her room. The lady nods and looks back at her computer.

I walk back to her room and knock on the open door. She sits at her nicely organized desk. She looks up from some papers she was looking at.

    "Oh, come in." She puts the papers into a drawer. "Sit please ." I walk in and sit in the chair I sat in before.

She grabs some other papers and starts looking through them. I sit there awkwardly looking around the room at the random posters she has hung up about bullying and stuff about life.

    "I think we need to get you a tutor." She sounds really happy about this idea and I whip around in the seat to look at her.

    "A-a what?" I stutter.

    "A tutor.. maybe in math.. because that's the class you have the lowest in." She looks at the papers again and nods her head.

    "I don't need a tutor!" I snap.

    "Have you seen your grades?" She looks up at me. I sigh and nod. "Ok then it's settled. You'll start after school today in the math room. You can go back now."

    "Thanks....." I walk out.

~*********************************~

The day went by slow. Not much happened. Nothing interesting. I walk over to the math room. The doors open. I stop right out side of it as I start to panic.

    'What if people find out and they make fun of me.. what if my tutor makes fun of me..?' I take a deep breath.

    "You coming in or not?" A laugh came from in the class room. My breath hitches. I walk in and there sits a guy.

He has longer messy blond hair. He looks up at me with beautiful blue eyes and smiles. My stomach fills with butterflies. 'Welp... shit...' I think to myself.

The only thing that seems to bug me about him is his unshaved face. Now that drives me crazy, and not in a good way. 'But damn I could get used to it if I really had to... what am I thinking? He would never go for a girl like me.. besides I just got out of a relationship..."

I hadn't realized that mrs choi was standing in the front of the room the whole time.

"This is Nathan." I look over at mrs choi a bit shocked. She gives a half smile and goes to walk out of the room. "Get some work done." She closes the door behind her.

I stand there awkwardly starring at the floor. Nathan laughs. "So... hi. I'm Nathan."

I give him a weird half assed princess wave. He laughs again, making me blush.

"The fuck was that?!" He gets out between laughs.

"A wave?" I whimper.

"Do it again. How'd you do that?" I waved again and he tried to imitate it. He didn't do it very well, but it wasn't terrible.

We ended up talking most of the time and not about math. We have a lot in common. I really opened up to him. Maybe a bit to open.

~*********************************~

"Do you want me to walk you home?"

"Ummm.. sure." I knew if I got caught walking with him I'd end up in trouble but if I didn't get caught what's the damage? We started walking towards my house.

"Why do you put your hands there?"

" just in case there's a potential rapist around.." I laugh moving my hands from over my butt to the straps of my backpack.

"Rapist? What rapist? You saying I'm a rapist?"

I wave my hands. "No. Not you, but anyone can be a rapist... like my dad......" I whisper the last part very quietly.

"Oh my.. I'm so sorry."

"No no. It fine. I was the one who brought it up, sorry.." I laugh awkwardly.

There was awkward silence for a bit till he brought up another conversation.

"Your really pretty.." he said without looking at me.

I blush. " I am not.."

He looks over at me confused and I flinch and run ahead a little.

"What was that??" He furrows his brow. (XD that sounds really weird but there's no other way to describe it)

"S-sorry... it's an instinct.. my ex hit me any time I said I was ugly..." I look down, ashamed. I was met with a warm hug. Shock flooded me and I just taped his back a little.