Dreams

Just another day..

    "Were you paying attention at all?" I look at the teacher. She looks pissed, then I look around the class room everyone is staring at me laughing. 'They are laughing, at me.. shit' I blush and start to hyperventilate.

A knock comes from the front of the room and my eyes dart to the door.

"Hi, is Ash here today?" An old lady walks into the class room. She looks around the room searching for me. I stand up quickly and walk towards her. With each step closer the smell of old lady perfume gets stronger.

"Are you Ash?" I nod and look to the ground. "Ok, come with me please."

I fallow a few steps behind her and into the main office. I look at everyone in the office and they look at me with sympathy filled eyes. I look back at the floor.

We enter a small room and I take the seat closest to the door. I cross my legs and put my hands in my lap. I stare at the little magnet on the woman's desk that has a picture of dolphins and says Florida.

The woman sighs. "Your grades are suffering. You have all f's and d's. Is there anything you can think of that might help get your grades up?"

I twirl my thumbs in circles around each other and continue to look at the magnet. I shake my head no. I look at the name tag on the desk that reads Mrs. Choi.

She scratches her temple then looks down at a clipboard she had grabbed to look at my school information. "Is there something wrong?" She looks up at me.

My eyes meet here's and tears instantly start to fall. I bury my face into my hands.

Mrs. Choi walks over to me and sits in the chair next to me. "Do you wanna talk about it?" I shrug, my face still buried in my hands. She places her hand on my back.

I raise my head and wipe my tears away and try to calm down. "I-i don't want to be here anymore." I hiccup.

"Be here as in where sweety? In school?" She leans forward to look at my face.

I shake my head. "In this world."

"Have you ever thought about killing yourself?" Her voice filled with concern.

I shake my head again. "I mean I've thought about it.. but I don't think I have the courage to ever do it..." I look over at her a force a weak smile.

"Have you ever been on anti depressants?"

"Yes... but they stopped working so I quit taking them..."

She seemed to get angry at this. "Have you talked to anyone about this?"

I nod. "I've told my mum many times but she doesn't seem to care. And I've told my therapist but she just tells me to talk to my mum.. so it never really goes anywhere..."

"So you are in counseling?" She asks and I nod. "Good, and how is that going?"

I shrug. "Not real well, I guess... it's not much help. She doesn't really let me talk about anything I want to talk about. "

"Have you thought about changing therapists?"

"I have but my mum wouldn't let me switch.." I look down.

"Ok honey, you head back to class and all call and talk to your mother. Alright?" She rubs my back a little in a reassuring away. I nod and stand up, walk out of the room. I walk through the office. No one will look at me. I walk out and back to math.

I sit in my seat and stare off into space till the bell rings.

~*********************************~

The day goes by slowly. Each time the bell rings I go to the spots we used to meet up at, till I remember that he's not going to show up and I walk away.

Lunch comes and I wait at the table. Waiting for someone, anyone, but no one shows up.

After school, I grab all my things and get on the bus.

"Good afternoon " I look up and smile and nod to the driver.

I walk back and get into the seat I always sit in and watch the scenery go by.

I get off the bus when it comes to a stop. I walk the back way to my house and walk through the back door.

    "Hey mum?! You home?" I set my backpack down in the kitchen and start getting stuff out to make myself a sandwich. There was no replay. "Mum?" I walk over into the living room and see my mother siting on the couch facing away from me. "Hey mum I was calling you..."

I walk over to her and she stands up. She looks at me, her face filled with anger. "What the fuck were you thinking?!" She yells and slaps me across the face.

I grab my cheek and take a step backwards. "Wh-what?"

    "You told them you were thinking about suicide?! You think I'm happy with life? I'm stuck with you but you don't hear me saying I'm going to commit suicide!!" She takes a step toward me. I flinch then run upstairs to my room and lock the door behind me.

I lay down on my bed and quickly fall asleep.

~*********************************~

I lay in the grass, him on top of me. I look up at the stars enjoying every second of our love.

I suddenly laugh. He looks down at me and smiles confused. "What are you laughing at baby?"

I look at him amused. " I just randomly thought of dogs having sex." I laugh again.

He gets serious fast. " oh...."

"What?"

"I just came when you said dogs..." I start to laugh hard and pulls out. He walks down to the river and throws the condom.

He walks me home and I tease him all the way there.

~**********************************~

I open my eyes tiredly and sit up. I wipe the stray tear and get ready for the new day.