Love Next Door

Chapter Ten- I'm just your problem

Jay found that in his life when things started to come good for him and his problems began to be solved, more appeared. His felt like his life was a constant cycle of problems, solutions, and more problems. Except, the problems got worse each time, and broke him easier.

He walked home from work with the hood of his jacket pulled tightly around his head, somewhat shielding him from the world and reducing him to a loner among the other citizens of the city who crowded and swamped the streets. It was at times like this he missed the deserted streets of the suburbs, where he could be truly alone. That was the only thing he missed.

He decided to go straight to Ash's apartment instead of breaking down inside his own hovel, where he would eventually vomit his emotional turmoil onto a canvas. Bad moods created bad paintings, in his experience anyway. He didn't want Ash to see him like this, but he needed to, he needed to talk even if it meant revealing the inner workings of his darkened mind to the bright spark that was his boyfriend.

Ash opened the door with his usual heartwarming grin but before leaning in to kiss him hello, he stopped and his eyebrows creased dramatically. Jay didn't know how he looked in that moment, but it mustn't have been good. The man immediately enveloped him in a hug and led him inside to inspect him better under the light.

"Everything's turning to shit...again." Was all Jay could say as Ash urged him to say something. He didn't often swear in front of people, but this he felt was an appropriate time. "I'm probably losing my job next week."

"What! Why? I don't think you're bad at your job-I mean that's what I feel," Ash replied, tripping up on himself in the middle as he revealed that his 'one time' stalking wasn't a one-time thing.

"They're losing money...because of the whole online music thing...and they can't afford to keep on all their staff anymore so someone's being culled." He explained bitterly, looking at the floor as Ash held onto his shoulders reassuringly.

"Ok I see...well I'm sure we can work this out," Ash replied in an annoyingly bright voice. Jay duly noted the use of 'we' and filed it away for later, because he was in no mood for romantic analysation in that moment. "I'll help you find another job it will be fine, ok?"

Jay couldn't handle it. He shrugged off Ash's touch and soft voice.

"No, it's not that easy!" He shouted. "Don't you know what will happen if I lose this job next week? I'll have to spend weeks trying to find another and it's not like I have any discernible skills besides being able to arrive on time and stacking shelves! During that time I'll be living off what little savings I have for food and I'll barely scrape by with rent, then I'll be kicked out for missing it and once again I'll be homeless and jobless for who knows how long. Don't talk to me like I haven't been through this before because I have, several times in fact and I'm sick of it." He finally ran out of steam, realising that hot and wretched tears were running down his face.

Ash was obviously taken back, having never heard Jay get angry before. He stood frozen, not knowing whether to comfort him or leave him. He watched painfully as his lover wiped the never ending flow of tears from his face. Jay couldn't look at him. But finally, Ash decided to speak,

"If that does happen...you can stay here. You know I have plenty of space for another person and you know I wouldn't mind."

Jay didn't reply for a few moments but continued to stare into the distance, away from him, with his hand close to his face. Finally, he sighed and Ash almost hugged him in response, having been scared that his lover would never move or speak to him again.

"The first time...I had to sleep on Tahlia's couch. Also the second time," he didn't add that the second time was when they had got very drunk and slept together. It had only made the situation more regrettable. "All my life I've had to depend on others...even back home I had to rely on others to fight my fights for me because I wasn't capable of looking after myself. I can't stand depending on someone again...not for the third time in the past what- two years. I can't."

"W-well I can always help you pay the rent while you-"

"Don't!" Jay yelled again, looking at Ash angrily. He hated that he was doing this, taking it out on the man he loved because there was no else. He knew deep down that what Ash was saying was helpful, and caring, and really he should be grateful. But, he was too into himself in that moment to consider it.

"What do you expect me to do then, Jay?" he retaliated. "I care about you a lot, as you should know. How can you ever expect me to just stand here and do nothing as you become homeless...or depressed." He grabbed Jay's shoulders and shook him gently. "You aren't dependent on me when I'm the one suggesting it."

Jay's angry façade faded as he said those words, and he was left a blubbering mess, cowering in Ash's arms as the man kissed his forehead and whispered over and over "It will be alright." Ash was right. His pride was like chains around him, and every time something like this happened, the chains got tighter. He had to let them go, for the sake of his mental health.

It eventuated in the following week that Jay didn't get let off from his job, but his days were cut down by two. It was just enough to pay for rent, but not much left for anything else. Ash convinced him to start accepting commissions for art from people. Apparently, Ash knew plenty of people in his underground black-market that would buy his work for good prices. Admittedly he didn't quite believe him, so he also started signing up for those online surveys which paid out cash for answering questions about toilet paper or cars.

The cycle continued and it seemed everything had fallen back (somewhat) into place for Jay. He was really beginning to accept he was in love with Ash. His smile, his laugh, the way he made everything exciting, the way he didn't expect Jay to be amazing or special but just himself. How could he not fall in love with the man?

He often spent nights there, and then the next day would get up early to return to his apartment to get ready for work. Some nights he would spend working on a piece, either for Ash, Tahlia or a client, while Ash worked on his own business from the other room. There was a sort of harmony about the way they lived. Despite them only being together two and a half months, it seemed as if they were already married or living together. Each night Jay would be closer to being comfortable in the bedroom with Ash, and Ash didn't push him, despite his own idea that taking things slow was boring.

He wondered if Ash felt the same as he did. Was it love for him? The thought worried him some nights, more so when he slept alone in his own bed.

***

A/N: Yes that is an adventure time reference in the title I couldn't help myself.

Very short chapter this time because I didn't want to transition to the next scene just yet, I tend to forget to keep it to one concept per chapter (I guess it doesn't really matter, but with a scene as tense as this i don't want to interrupt it). 

I'll probably post the next chapter early- like tomorrow? Maybe earlier because i'm impatient. Also it's really cute and great!!! Anyway.

I guess now Jay's anxiety  and the myriad of issues he's been having come to light. Poor Jay, he tries his best.

I hope you enjoyed reading this new chapter! Leave me a vote if you wish to :) + a comment about what you think will happen in the next chapter. Well, now i better get back to uni work :\