The Dark Side of the Moon

Chapter 27-Hope

I hadn't the chance to slip away from Catcher the next day. Or the day after. Not for a long enough period of time, anyhow, to be able to accomplish anything. I had half a mind to believe that Catcher was keeping a close watch on me. Especially after he had forbid me to even so much as look at Robin of my own volition. I was permitted to speak to him, of course, if Robin had initiated conversation. I couldn't very well ignore him if he were to address me directly. That would arise unnecessary suspicions.

It was during the middle of week. Several days after our return from London. When I finally drew the strength I needed to inquire of some precarious information from my maid. Ever since our first night back, something of which Catcher had mentioned rather casually has had my head spinning. And it terrified me. Especially as avoiding intimacy with Catcher has proven to be nearly impossible. Catcher is not the type of person you say no to. And there were only so many excuses one could use before it became obvious.

I was sat at the vanity table. The one in which Catcher had ordered be brought in for me just this week. Astella, my maid, had just begun to comb out and style my hair. I had been quiet in thought. Debating whether or not I could fully trust Astella. Finally I decided to take of advantage of the situation and tested the waters with her by saying, "Astella, you have sworn an oath of loyalty to the De Noirs, have you not?"

Astella paused. She met my gaze curiously in the mirror before replying, "Indeed I have. But more importantly to you, my lady" she replied, understanding immediately my implications.

"Then I can trust that what we speak of next will remain in utmost confidence?" I pressed.

Astella cleared her throat and smiled meekly at my reflection in the mirror, "Of course, my lady."

I paused a long moment. Sorting out my words. My voice trembled as I spoke next, "Might you be able to tell me how it is possible for one to avoid a conception?"

Astella's hand faltered, she dropped the heavy, silver clad comb. It clamoured noisily to the floor. We both stared down at it before she bent to retrieve it. "If my lady would sympathize that it embarrasses me greatly to say such things."

"Please..."

"If I am to understand you correctly then I would say...If a man were to not finish inside a woman, that would lessen greatly the chances of a conception."

I was silent as I pondered over her reply. And I wondered then if that were common knowledge. If that's how most couples tried to control how many children they produced. But that wouldn't help me at all. Astella continued with my hair. She plaited a section at my temple and pinned it back.

"But what if one needed to do so...unbeknownst?" I inquired further.

"My lady. Please. We mustn't speak of these things."

"This conversation is between only us, Astella. It will never leave this room. As you see, I am putting much trust in you, just as you should trust me."

"Then to answer your question, such a thing has been heard of. But it would be most impossible."

"And why is that?"

"Because one could only acquire something as powerful as that from Euleila."

"The witch. Yes. I know of her. Will she not see me?"

"It is not that. But it is the conflict of allies, my lady."

And I understood immediately. She knew that Catcher and Euleila were well acquainted. That their loyalty lie between each other. She meant that Euleila could not be trusted to not tell Catcher what I had sought of her. My shoulders slumped as I sat before the mirror.