Short Words

Irresponsibly Responsible

Genre: realistic fiction
Author's Note:
I guess a bunch of these short stories are going to be assignments from my creative writing class because this was an assignment too. I wrote this a short amount of time. I just kept writing no matter where it took me. I really relate to this piece, and I hope you do too.

It doesn't take much, does it, to feel overstimulated? You know, when you feel like everything is going too fast for you to catch up? When you get so overwhelmed that you can't breathe or digest any thoughts and you freeze up? You could say I know how it feels. The consequences run through my mind a million miles per hour. What will my parents think? I'm supposed to be the responsible one, the one that always makes sure everyone has their work done, the one who makes sure the bills are paid, the one who always knows what is going to happen next. I can't stand not knowing what I'm going to run into, but here I am, throwing myself into the unknown. I'm not scared, no, I'm just thinking over my newfound adventurous spirit, that's what I'm calling it. It's not like I'm the only eighteen year old who decided to go on a road trip across the country before going to college, right?

An aspiring education major driving to the most loved destinations in the country while also putting great distance between the people she should love the most. I remember how my parents freaked out over finding my stash of lighters. I tried to explain to them I didn't use them for any other purpose other than collecting them. All of the designs and colors interest me, but they didn't get it. My favorite is the lighter that's covered in wildflowers. They blamed this "erratic behavior" and "secretiveness" with the lighters on my best friend Marie. Sure, she's not the best influence, but that doesn't matter, the point is my parents don't trust me. However, they trust me enough to pay their bills. They can barely pay for the weekly groceries. I don't mind helping, they are my parents after all, but when can I start putting my earnings towards my own fund? What are they going to do when I go to college this fall? My income as a manager of a small department store in town won't be enough to keep them afloat forever. Mom is an author, she hasn't had a piece published in four years. Dad has a job, it's his third this month.

    I haven't had a decent night of sleep in weeks, just an hour here and there. It's not that I haven't tired, trust me I've laid in bed until it actually hurts, it's because I physically can't fall into slumber. It doesn't bother me as much as it used to. I used to freak out about going unconscious in the middle of math class because my body just had enough. Mother would say to me it's because my mind is overactive. She would always say "Iris, it's all in your head. Just turn your brain off." Now that I think about it, this "not sleeping thing" will come in handy for my road trip. I will be able to drive for hours when everyone else is sleeping, just me and the quiet road and when I finally close that front door behind me, I won't be drowsy with sleep. What will my parents think? What will they think when they wake up and see me gone? Will they think that I've just gone out for errands? Maybe they won't even notice until the electric company cuts their sources of lights because the bill wasn't paid. I'm sure my black Labrador, Fawna, will miss me. I hope my parents remember to feed her. I haven't told anyone about this outrageous trip of mine, not even Marie. What will she think? She'll most likely be proud that I've took a stand, but angry that I didn't take her along. I will miss her. I'll miss my fellow dancers at dance class too. I've been dancing since I was three, back when I could barely remember a one minute routine. I hope Miss. Taylor, my dance instructor, will excuse my absences for this adventure. I'm going to see everything. From my house here in Maryland I'm going to D.C. then, I'm off. Chicago, Nashville, the Grand Canyon, the largest ball of yarn in Kansas, Mount Rushmore, Yellowstone National Park, Las Vegas, San Francisco, they're all waiting for me. I've planned it all out. I'm spending two days at each location, but, of course, that might change. Maybe Chicago will really hit me with that deep crust pizza or I'll get wrapped up in hot pink, feather boas in Las Vegas.

This is the most irresponsible thing I've ever done. I've never just gotten up and left like this. What if I get into trouble out there? What if a bunch of motorcyclists see my collection of lighters and think I'm one of them? Maybe I should call Marie to come with me, no, this is my trip, my adventure. I have to do this, I feel entitled. Maybe I should close my eyes for a moment. The next time I wake up, which will be in ten minutes, I'm leaving. I'm leaving and I'm not going to overthink it. I'm not going to change my mind. With all of the windows down driving across the country, my mess of dark hair will be liberated from the usual ponytail. I might even take my pale skin to the level of golden sun kisses, of course with the protection of sunscreen. I've been responsible for everyone else, it's my time to lose the reins, go off the deep end, be spontaneous, be free. It's my turn to be irresponsible.