nanu • spn

❝0.02❞

I don't think I introduced myself properly. As I've said before, my name is Nanu. Nanu Stirling. I lived with my mom, Marana Stirling and my dad, Helen Stirling, along with my sister, Natalie Stirling. I can't even say "lived", though. In their eyes, I just sorta... existed. Nobody loved me. I was the "runt". Especially daddy. He would hit me everytime mommy wasn't around, which I never understood, because mommy wouldn't care. I didn't go to school, either. Too expensive, I guess. My sister went to school, though. I stayed at home, locked in my room, playing with my toys, which my parents would buy me once a year. The toy I got this year was a stuffed giraffe, and it was on my birthday (January 6th). My room isn't anything special, either. The paint on the walls is peeling, my bed is rusty, and the only entertainment I have besides my toys is my TV, which doesn't even work most of the time.
But, I still love them.
I love Mommy's cooking.
I love Daddy's hugs (when he was in a good mood).
I love Big Sister's smell.
I love them no matter how much they despised me. I don't care if they don't love me back. I don't care if mommy laughed when she found out I was missing. I don't care that after I was announced dead, my sister ripped the couple of worn dresses that I had. That's why I'm here, looking after them.

You know, most spirits like me want revenge, and they want to kill their families. I don't get it. Why would you want revenge? Why would you want to kill your family? As much as they hated me, they gave me a room, they fed me occasionally, and they gave me clothing. In their own way, they cared about me.
My only regret, however, is not getting a good look at the person who killed me. If I ever find out, then maybe, just maybe, I'll consider revenge.
But, either way, it's not like I had much to live for. I loved my family dearly, but..
Sometimes I reached my limit.
I got tired of being ignored.
I got tired of being judged for everything I do.
Sometimes I lashed out.
Sometimes I would cry and yell into my old pillow.
Nobody heard me, though.
Nobody cared to.
I was alone.
Nobody but my family and doctors knew who I was (That might've been their intention).
So, I pretty much had no reason to live
Even still, I had hope.
I had hope that maybe, one day, someone would notice me and like me.
Maybe they could support and appreciate me.
Maybe they could love me.
It was just "wishful thinking" I guess. It's too late for that now.
There's still a part of me that believes it can still happen. Crazy, right?
I might just have too much faith in people.
Oh well.

I decided to roam around the forest in the back of our house. It's really big, with old oak trees sprouting from the ground and into the sky. When I was 5, I thought that the trees went all the way up to heaven. The trees were lucky, I thought. They got to see a place as pretty as heaven. Now I know that the trees may be tall, but the don't reach up to heaven. Heaven doesn't even exist. If it did, then why am I still on earth? Maybe it does exist, and I wasn't good enough to get in. I wouldn't be surprised if that was the case. I was never good enough for anything.

There's a path that leads to one of my favorite sites to visit when I needed to think. It leads to a really pretty area with a lake and a waterfall. The waterfall isn't that big, but isn't that small. It looks like a scene from a book. You know, those books with enchanted forests and fairies. I wish I was a fairy. I could do magic, fly, and have a lot of fairy friends. I'd want to be a pretty fairy. A pretty fairy loved by everyone. Anyway, the lake is a pretty blue color, which I had always liked to dip my feet in. It was warm. There are fish, too. They always tickled my feet. They're mostly small. It was relaxing. Then there were the butterflies. They come in so many pretty colors. Blue, Pink, Purple, Green, and sometimes Black. They would sometimes land on my nose. It also tickled. It looks the prettiest at night, when all of the butterflies come out and land on the pretty blue flowers next to the lake. I liked watching them.

After a 15 minute walk, I had finally arrived at my own enchanted forest. Everything was still the same. The lake, the waterfall, the flowers, the fish, and the butterflies. At least that part of my happiness was still intact. I sat down on the edge of a small cliff that loomed over the waterfall. I had almost forgotten how pretty it was, or how relaxing the air felt sitting here. I haven't been here since I was 9, and was afraid it had fallen apart. That's what usually happens to things that make me happy. I used to have a teddy bear. I would play with it, and I would laugh. Then, one day, it dissapeared. I couldn't find it. Mommy told me that it didn't love me anymore, so it ran away. I cried the whole day thinking about it.
Hours passed, and before I knew it, it was nighttime. The moon was high in the sky, which usually meant that mommy and daddy were asleep by now. Natalie was probably out with her friends. I tried asking her what they do, once. She just screamed and told me it was none of my business, and to get out of her room. I'm not sure what I was expecting. I wish I could stay and watch the butterflies, but I had to go and protect the house from bad guys. Bad guys that wanted to hurt my family. I jumped down from the cliff I was sitting on, and made my way back home.