College cigarettes (Miniminter FF)

TRIGGER WARNING SUICIDE +SELF HARM part 5: slow motion

I drive over to the house and go to my room trying to avoid the window because my room is at the front of the house. I can barely see anything because I'm still crying my soul out. my phone vibrates in my pocket and since I have time I pull it out and look at it. I have at least 30 texts from each person. asking where I am if I'm OK and all of them telling me to come back.

I'm never gonna be able to go back. fuck I need to cut. I look in my drawer and see my blade. I get it and cut but its nowhere near enough. I walk down the stairs and grab a new knife we bought a few days ago and cut the deepest I've ever cut but I still feel so empty but also severely heartbroken at the same time.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore and slump down. my chest and heart physically hurt and I can't stop crying. I don't have anything anymore. I no longer care what anyone will feel when I'm gone. I walk back upstairs and stand on my balcony looking at the hills.

everything looks so beautiful and I wish I could just leave to go there but I know it wouldn't do anything because I'd get in more trouble because everything I do gets me in more trouble. I look at the border for the balcony I have my hands on and ponder what could have been and then what can be from now. no matter what I don't see an easy way out but to exit. I slowly stand on the balcony shakily but then cross the border holding onto the balcony bar. when I see them rolling in its too late to get back over, not that I would even want to get back down honestly. they run out the car and run to where they can shout my name the loudest. everyone is there, even harry and both cals.

"please don't do this. just come down please." it's all just an array of voices.

"I have to leave. everything is going wrong. I'm sorry."

they all keep calling and I see Chloe pull out her phone and start calling someone which I guess would be the ambulance or police. if im going to do this, i need to do it now or else i wont be able to. I climb onto the balcony rail and spread my wings out. I feel free, this is finally what I wanted.

"I'm happy guys, right now I feel happy." I shout to them and they don't know what to say.

In slow motion, I let go of the walls on both sides of me that are stabilizing me. I throw my hands backward and start falling forwards. I hear someone behind me screaming no. they grab my arm but I pull away and somehow pull away so hard that I completely spin around and see Simon. the fear and tears in his eyes paired with the redness in his face make me feel guilty but I know he'll understand.

I see all my hair flying in front of my face but still giving me a clear view of everything. my flannel is tightly against my back. my feet leave the balcony and I'm ready for this to be over, I'm not afraid. it feels like the feeling of having your face outside of a car window while its driving and feeling a rush but all over your body in one second. but with one more second, i see Simon's veiny hands grab my legs.

my feet stop falling but my whole body is still falling. before I can even think of struggling or pulling myself up my arms are swinging and my head is upside down and I see the blurry vision of everyone below, either running towards me or covering their mouths. I feel a sharp agonizing pain in my head and hear a crack coming from the same part of my head simultaneously at the same time as a harmony of gasps. all of these happen in a split second then I black out and see nothing, feel nothing and I am finally... nothing.

Edit: Not gonna lie considering i spent so much time on this chapter its my least favorite. There's so many things that don't make sense.