Lifeless { FRONNIE }

Important update

8th of April 2017

Today my cat died, i have been so scared and anxious for my cat the last weeks, so afraid of that she could die any second.

He oparated her because of a constipation, she was going to be fine, but today we found her unconscious, she did barley breathe.
We did pump on her lungs and blew air in her airways. But she left us.
I loved her so much, i was in shock. The wet was also in shock, they had no clue of what had happened...

At that point i knew why.

She wanted to die, she didnt wanna live. She wanted to teatch me a lesson, that death. Isn't an end, its a change. Just like when someone is born, a big change in the family. Death and births are the same, just that.
One makes a change by adding something.
And the other one is a change that removes something.
~~~~~~~~~~
My pov.

I feel so much guilt..
Thursday we had two options.
An operation, or an end to it.
Mom and dad (stepdad) made the decision to end her.. But i wanted an operation. We yelled at each other
"what does the cat want??"
Does she want to die? Or is she willing to survive the healing process? We have no idea..
I thought she didn't want to die because if she wanted to, she wouldn't be so... Happy? So full of energy.
I made my mom change opinion, by begging and begging and saying that if she got healthy again she would have 4-6 years more.
so it was two against one.
Friday morning we handed her to the vet, they said that it was gonna be very expensive, but its worth the money. We were saving her life..
But when she got home, she wasn't herself. Her eyes were glassy, she didnt sleep. She was hurting. We gave her some food, she ate like it was years since she has had a bite of food.

She was gonna survive..

I was so happy that this was going the right way. That i didnt realize... That she was in pain.. She didn't let out cries, she didnt make a sound about it.. But she was hurting..
Saturday we went to the shop to get her painkillers, we sang in the car happy songs and cried of happiness because we thought we made the right decision..

Dad was sleeping home..

I yelled out her name like i always do, happy.
I went up the stairs..
There she was.. Unconscious at the floor.
I went to her, thought she was sleeping, because i saw her stomach went up and down, she was breathing. Until i realized that her eyes were open, and her feet was stiff. I shake her paw a little, no response.

"She is stiff" i say with a crooked voice when mom came up the stairs

"omg! She is dead!" Mom cried and ran towards us, she began shaking her and calling her name..

I was in complete shock..
She was supposed to be fine..

We kept pumpig her lungs to keep her alive..

But she left us..

We had a vet on the line, but we live 40 minutes away from the vet.. We rushed there. But still.. It was too late..
She couldn't explain either, this was so unexpected.

Then it hit me..

On the medicine box it said that she had to have painkillers three times a day, we didnt give it to her.

She died out of pain..

We practically killed her..

And its all my foult..
Because i changed my moms opinion..

I have so much guilt..

I cry very day, i miss you..

Im so sorry..