The Penny Drops!

Part 10

[I'm thinking this is River not long after she got put in prison. So they're married, but haven't done the Byzantium. For the Doctor, let's just say after the Asylum of the Daleks.]

"Let's go on random!" The Doctor said, giddily jumping around the console and pressing buttons and flipping levers. River groaned from her position on the jump seat. "Whenever we go on random, the Old Girl likes to play pranks and land us somewhere crazy."

"Well, maybe she won't this time."

River laughed and stood up. "Yeah, and I'm Rassilon." He frowned at her and pressed the last button, sending them to make a bumpy landing.

She immediately went to the doors. He ran to the scanner. "Wait, River! Enviroment checks!" She laughed at that and opened the door anyway. He ran his eyes over the scanner.

Uh-oh.

He ran out the doors.

"Wait! River! Seriously, you don't want to-" he stopped at the scene. "-go out." He finished weakly. "Where's the Doctor?" Elizabeth the First demanded.

River crossed her arms over her chest, giving her a glare few would dare look back at. Unfortunately, the Queen was one of them. "No, I know that box. It's been a month since our wedding, and he still hasn't shown. Where is he?"

The Doctor's eyes widened and he scratched the back of his head awkwardly.

"Well, well, well, if it isn't the not-so-Virgin-Queen." River said, starting to pace around the red-haired woman. "Hate to tell you, but the Doctor isn't going to be coming back."

He swallowed and glanced back to the TARDIS. He could make a run for it and not deal with this. He could. It was a mere five meters.

As if reading his thoughts, which she was, the TARDIS doors slammed shut.

"He'll be coming back. He's king now, and is sworn to look over my country. Besides, he likes me quite a lot." She told River, turning to face her head on and return her glare. She didn't know who this woman was, but if she came out of the TARDIS without the Doctor and dared to insult her like this, she would have no problem ordering her execution.

River chuckled coldly. "You know, if I could kill you right now without re-writing history, I would."

He couldn't help the "River!" that exclaimed from his lips. "Fine, not kill, maybe. Break a few bones."

"Tell me where the Doctor is. Now."

River sat down on the bed, and the Queen gasped. "How dare you?!"

"The Doctor's right behind you. Don't kill him, though. I like this face."

The Doctor swallowed as Elizabeth turned around on him.

"Is that what you meant on our picnic? Changing faces? It was rather strange when you introduced those people to me as yourself, but still. This is impossible!"

He averted his eyes and backed away. "I- well, yes, I suppose. Changing faces."

The Queen's eyes narrowed. "I have many questions, including why you did not stay for our honeymoon, but first I would like to know who this woman is and how painful you want her execution to be."

The Doctor looked at her this time, eyes widened. "Well, that's River, and you can't execute her."

Elizabeth rounded back to River, surveying her up and down. "Why not? She dared insult your wife, and all you do is ask for her life to be spared? I should think you'd be the first to demand she perish."

"Yes, Doctor. She dared insult your wife." River said, glaring at him.

"Well, Elizabeth, you see, I quite like her, and she's-" The Doctor began.

"-Married." River supplied unhelpfully. "He married me. Sorry, kid. He didn't mean to marry you in the first place. Speaking of which, why haven't you divorced her yet?"

The Queen whirled on the Doctor, face red. "Is this true? Does she speak the truth? You married this- this rude woman who dares insult me?"

He backed to the TARDIS a little faster. "Well, yes, but that was a different face, Liz, and we-"

"It does not matter!" She declared, once again turning to River. "He married me first. There was no divorce. Therefore, it is known he is married to me. I think your execution will-" She was cut off with River's fist coming into harsh contact with her eye. She staggered back, putting her hand up to it, and then charged back at the curly blond, knife already in hand. The Doctor gave a yelp when he put together what was going on.

River, behaving as the true trained assassin she was, neatly flipped her over, disarmed her, knife landing a few meters away, and pinned her shoulders down before landing a swift punch to her jaw as well.

It was at this point when the TARDIS doors were flung open.

"Good grief, why's the TARDIS letting us hear all this noise? Seriously- woah! River! That's the Queen!" Rory yelled when he took in the scene. "Now you dare to lay hands on me? Your death will certainly not be a pleasant one!" Elizabeth yelled, struggling to unseat her. '

"Maybe not, but yours wont be either!" River declared, digging her knees a little harder into the Queen's shoulders.

"River, you can't kill Elizabeth the First!" Rory hissed. "Doctor, what happened to provoke this?" The Doctor bit his lip and looked away guiltily. "It's complicated, and you really don't want to know. River, you have to get off! No changing time! She's got a lot left!" He said, directing the last sentences at his wife that was on top of his old wife.

"Yes, River. Go ahead, show how cowardly you really are."

River narrowed her eyes. "Sweetie, you better inform her right now that there will be a divorce, or I'll collapse one of her lungs."

"What do you mean, divorce?" Rory asked, suddenly looking threatening as well.

The Doctor rubbed his hands together nervously. "God, no wonder she tried to kill me with Shakespeare. Ok, Elizabeth, I'm afraid I'm going to have to break off the marriage. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to marry you in the first place, but I'm conserving history here!"

Her angry face found his to glare at now.

River nodded approvingly, and jumped off. Elizabeth stayed on the floor, accepting defeat for now.

"Alright, Doctor. But remember this. You are now the sworn enemy of Queen Elizabeth the First! I shall have your head the next time we meet!" She said, and promptly left the room with a flourish.

Rory turned to his son-in-law. "I won't mention this to Amy. You've already got an angry Pond to deal with." He said, patted his shoulder, and walked back into the TARDIS.

The Doctor straightened his bowtie and lifted his gaze to River. "You know, I had no idea you were the jealous type. I pity Marilyn Monroe." He said smugly.

Instead of retorting denial, like he assumed she would, she leaned forward and pressed a biting, possessive kiss to his mouth. It was a good minute before she pulled away, and he ran his tongue over his lips to sooth them.

"You shouldn't. That was me."

With that, she also entered the TARDIS, ignoring his spluttering behind her.

"But- how did you-no it wasn't! She was Marilyn Monroe! I know it was, she kissed me, and-" realization dawned on his face- "River!"

A throaty chuckle emanated from the TARDIS, the Queen rushed to find guards, and Rory slid back into his bed next to his wife.

The doors shut smoothly behind him.

[A/N. Ok, so I was thinking, and I had a feeling there could be a lot more to why the Queen tried to kill him in The Shakespeare Code. This formed, and now I realized I really like writing a jealous, violent River. It's so much fun! Anyways, what did y'all think?]