Fighting Chance

First Meeting

Zosia POV

Once I had finished hugging my dad, Ollie comes over to me and sits down on the seat beside me. I was about to see my son for the very first time. Ollie was carrying the car seat backwards so I was unable to see my baby. I'm starting to feel quite sick, I'm very nervous. Ollie turns the car seat round and I am faced with my 5 week old baby.

"He's absolutely gorgeous, he's grown so much" I say struggling through tears. "Would you like to hold him?" Ollie asks me. Thoughts come rushing into my mind from the last time I had him in my arms. What if I was unable to hand him back? What if I acted the way I did before? I only had 5 seconds to reassure myself before Zac is placed in my arms. I had, somehow, subconsciously agreed to holding him.

"Hello baby, I'm your mummy" I whisper to the sleeping baby in my arms, my eyes fixated on his dainty face. A huge smile appears on my face and my eyes start to glaze over from tears.

"He's absolutely beautiful Zosia" Katy says to me. I hadn't noticed her standing next to me. Ollie, my dad and I all follow her into one of the meeting rooms. Katy had said she wanted to sit in and observe my first meeting with Zac in case anything like before were to happen again.

Ollie POV

We all follow Katy into the meeting room. She goes and sits in the far corner, observing and taking notes on the way Zosia is and acts around Zac. I could tell Zosia was anxious when I asked her if she wanted to hold Zac. She agreed, however I could tell in her eyes that she was frightened. I'm sitting watching the way Zosia is with him, she's a natural, definitely a whole lot more comfortable than she was before. I am so proud of how far Zosia has came in the past 3 weeks, her medication is working, the CBT is working. Everything was falling back into place.

"Oliver, he's starting to wake up, what do I do?" Zosia asks me, panicking. "Just walk up and down the room with him, gently rocking him" I reply to her just as Zac starts crying. With that, a teary Zosia quickly hands him to me before running out the room.

"I'll go get her, you both just wait here till I'm back. Zosia might want to come say bye to you" Katy says, stopping Guy going after his daughter.

Zosia POV

I quickly leave the meeting room and head towards my bedroom. I panicked so much when Zac starting crying, I didn't know what to do. I sit on my bed against the headboard, head in my knees. Nothing is filling the air except the sound of my sobs.

"Zosia? Oh, Zosia, it's all okay" Katy says to me, coming into my room. "Everything is going to be alright. Do you want to come and say bye to your dad and Ollie? And then we can come back and talk about what happened? Is that alright?"

I gently nod to her and I follow her back to the meeting room where my dad and Ollie were still waiting. I run into Ollie's open arms, tears in my eyes, not noticing my dad cradling my baby.

"I'm so so sorry Ollie. I didn't mean to do that. I just panicked, I didn't know what to do. I'm not going to be able to cope when I get out, I'm going to be kept in here longer than my 30 days, I don't want to stay here. I want to go home, I want to be able to be the best mum I can be but that's not going to happen because I'm not the best, I'm not normal. I'm crazy. I'm mad. That will never change"

"Zosh...don't say that. You just panicked, that happens to all new mums. You will be getting out next week, there's no doubt about it. Your meds are working, the CBT is working, everything is working. You're allowed to have some 'down days', we all are. And you will 110% be the best mum. You are NOT crazy or mad, you're YOU! YOU are special, funny, smart and, most importantly, beautiful. I'm so proud of you, I love you loads."

"I love you too" I reply, kissing him softly on the lips.

We say our goodbyes and Katy then takes me into a smaller room to talk. My first meeting with Zac since everything was very eventful and emotional. Definitely wouldn't change it.

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Thank you everyone for all my reads, means a lot. Hope you're all enjoying the story.