Idk if this counts as a trigger warning, but in this chapter there is anxiety/an anxiety attack (I hope I pictured it correctly, since I just took my own experiences for my writing...)
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"I would love you if you let me."
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Between the lessons Newt and I had shared we exchanged glances that could be taken as glances between lovers. Of course these things weren't unnoticed by the other students, especially not from my friends. (Obviously apart from Minho, who still ignored me completely and if he didn't ignore me, he shot me death glances. Like if looks could kill, I'd be dead by now... Scary when you think about it to be honest...)
However... people started talking and I could tell the whispering of the other students made Newt anxious, which resulted into him walking extremely close to me - a thing that didn't help the rumours to stop.
While we were walking through the hallway to the lockers, Newt's entire right side was pressed to my left. I could feel him shaking against my shoulders, how he tried to find calmness in my presence and touch.
"I... Can we talk somewhere not in public?" he whispered into my ear, his voice was not only trembling, but also filled with fear. "I... need to tell you something."
"I know a place outside, we can go there right now and bring our books back after lunch. There aren't many people out here on the corridors then," I replied and lead him outside into the school garden. There were a few benches outside. Trees framed them and provided a nice shadow. It was further not in sight for the students, who preferred to eat their lunch outside.
I sat him down on the bench and slowly calmed down, too, as Newt stopped shaking. He looked at me, his eyes were filled with a few tears.
"I'm sorry," he apologised. "I don't want to be a burden, but... People talked... they talked a lot about me... behind my back. And... I have anxiety, Tommy. And I nearly had an attack in there, I don't want people to... I don't want it to end like it did at my old school."
I kneeled down in front of him, placing my hands on his knees. "You... You transferred because of bullying?" I asked him carefully. "It's okay, if you don't want to answer it..."
"That was part of the reason...." he answered, looking at me with his soft brown eyes. "Can you... can you hug me?"
"Of course," I said and actually wanted to sit down next to him, but Newt had already wrapped his arms around my neck and hugged me tightly.
We were standing there and it felt like Newt was holding onto me like his life depended on it. I could hear his occasional whimpers, but they stopped eventually and after a few minutes he let go of me.
"Thanks, I... Normally I can handle it better, but sometimes..." he tried to explain himself and I half-expected him to apologise again.
"Newt?" I interrupted him softly. "You don't have to apologise. There is nothing wrong with having anxiety, I want to help you and actually... I need you to promise me something, it's nothing bad, just for me and you..."
"What?" he asked me and sounded already anxious again - that sound of his voice made me feel extremely bad and I should really chose my words more carefully next time, which I'd for sure will do.
"Promise me that when you're really anxious the next time, you let me help you and we'll get out of the crowd. I'll do everything, but only if you let me, I don't want you to get hurt," I told him and instinctively took his hands in mine. "Newt, you don't need to be scared of the people and this school, they won't cause you any harm, but if you ever get anxious, let me help you, please, I won't let you fight this alone."
