A one time thing {Severus Snape}

Chapter 22: Action and Reaction

Er.... The disclaimer I always forget! I hope that you can all follow this, each of the scenes are actually happening at the same time as each other. I hope this becomes self-apparent as you read it. But I thought I better warn you all now. Anyway... here it goes...

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Meg was almost ready to leave. She had spent most of the night, writing three letters. The first was for Dumbledore, apologising for leaving him with no notice; and one to Neville explaining she was sorry she had to leave but something had happened that she could no longer ignore. She wished him every success in the future and thanked him for being her friend.

The third letter, to Snape, was the hardest to write. It had taken three attempts before she was satisfied with it. And even then she hadn't been able to express completely what she wanted him to know. She looked over it again now before sealing it up.

My dearest Severus,

Where do I begin?

You were right. There has been something wrong for awhile now, but I've tried to deny it, tried to hide it. But after yesterday's lesson with Neville I can't pretend everything is okay anymore.

It seems that the illness my mother had, I have too.

Things have been getting progressively worse for quite awhile now. It started just before Christmas with little things. But yesterday was the last straw. I cannot stay here if it means I am a danger to anyone else. Which it would appear that I now am.

Neville and the students around him could have been seriously hurt because of me. I have had to take my head out of the sand and face this. Although in truth all I have wanted to do is curl up into your arms and hope it would all go away. But it hasn't, and it won't.

I shall be going back with Jack. He is aware of what is happening to me and has said he will stay with me.

All I ask of you is the look after yourself. I love you so much it breaks my heart to go, but I cannot let you feel some "misguided obligation" towards me. This year has been the best of my life. The memories you have given me I hope to keep.

You told me today that you have treated me badly. You have and you haven't. When you let the person inside you show I have felt special. You made me feel beautiful and wanted. And for that I will always thank you. I know you don't love me and I would have been content with just being in your arms and your friendship. But it's no use wishing for the moon.

I want for you to remember me as that "royal pain in the neck" as you often called me, remember me in the way you like me most, but please don't hate me for leaving like this. I can't do this any other way.

Jack called me selfish for running out without telling you I was going. And I suppose in a way he is right. I'm selfish because I don't want to see anything on your face that could taint the memory I have of you now. I want to remember the way you would look at me and hold me as if I was the only thing in your life worth holding.

A part of me will always pretend that I was the only thing worth holding in your life.

I'm sorry for everything.

Please take care of yourself, Severus.

I will love you always and forever.

Megan

She closed the letter up, wiping the tears from her face; it didn't say anything about the pain she was feeling in leaving him, or the emptiness that had taken residence in her soul.