Do you know the difference, between a permutation and a combination?
A combination is a collection of any few numbers. Whereas, in a permutation, the order of the numbers must be taken into consideration.
In a permutation, 123 is not equivalent to 321.
You must be careful with how you write your numbers, you must be careful with how you speak your words. The same sentence with words in one order, does not mean the same as it does in another. You must think before you act, or the function will remain false.
It's astonishing how just a few simple words can make or break an entire relationship. Although only a phrase, each letter in it's order seemed to taint every comittment the two of us have ever stood by. You weren't careful with your words. You didn't think. You confused a permutation with a combination, and allowed yourself to speak words I never wanted to hear. Did you really mean those things that you said? I don't understand how, with so much time, love and compassion, you continue to view me in a way I've never been viewed by any other. Our function was false I suppose, for there is no way that these words are true without you having mispoken. It must be, it cant be anything else. But I'll never know the truth... and the damage is already done. Now with every soft word spoken I feel a lie within its core. With every sweet gesture I feel your agony beneath it's surface. Every time that you are near, I only think of how far from me you'd rather be. It almost feels like blasphemy, but, I think I've lost my trust. I can't trust you. I don't trust you, anymore. I can't decipher what's real and what's fake, when are you sincere and when are you caving? I want to hear you say the truth... I want to hear your honesty. I want to hear you scream that you actually hate me. That you can't stand the sound of me breathing. That every minute you're holding my hand you're actually hurting deep within. That the idea of me loving you sounds like a lie, and that every time you've taken my love you never really felt the same. That you never wanted me from the start, and that our relationship was built on lies, lies and more fucking lies. Why didn't you just tell me? I've spent every waking hour with tape over my lips in hopes of keeping you out of harms way. And yet, somehow you still identify yourself as a victim to no attack. How could you let me open myself to you, unraveling all of the emotions I never ever wanted to tell anyone. I trusted you, and you disappointed me.
That one, simple sentence, it revealed an unspoken truth within our relationship, one I never wanted to acknowledge. But no, you didn't mean it. You only mispoke. You chose the right words, and said them, in the wrong order. You confused your combinations and your permutations. I refuse to believe otherwise. For if you hadn't, everything we've ever had, might as well have been false.
