letters i'll never send

two: a letter to my ex-best friend

dear katie,

i'm so sorry that i hurt you, and i'm sorry you hurt me. thankfully, that's all in the past now and we're back to being on good terms but there are things i want to say that i never did and never will out loud.

back then, i was really confused. i was trying to figure out who chantey was (i still am) and instead of being honest at first, i hid it for a long time. i tried to do everything on my own while you were living your life because i didn't want you to worry or anything- i wanted to pretend i was a-okay. if you believed me, maybe i could believe me, too. then, at some point, i couldn't do it anymore. it was getting harder to pretend. hiding it was slowly but surely killing me, so i tried to talk to you. but this was new to you, wasn't it? you knew people weren't always okay, but i was more un-okay than you thought, than you could handle. i was broken and you couldn't know the right clue to fix me. so i walked away. i needed something and right then, you weren't it. 

i was going to make it out just fine, and i did, thanks to you. you gave hints when i wasn't around and i got help. 

i'm sorry for the way i handled things, i really am. i hate looking back on it. thank you for doing what you did even when i left you and thank you for forgiving me. 

you're a great person and i'm glad i met you, even if we went through crap. 

sincerely,
chantey