Happily Never After

Snow White

I've got everything together. I have a king wrapped around my finger, a kingdom I control, and a magic mirror telling me that I am the most beautiful woman in the entire land. Oh. And that step daughter who oh so perfectly ruins everything. At least I have my beauty, right?

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"Mirror, mirror on the wall, who in the land is fairest of them all?" I said, already knowing the answer. Me, of course!

"You, my queen, are fair, it is true, but now Snow White is most definantly fairer than you," the mirror chimed. 

"What! It cannot be! She is only a child! That's no fair! I'm the fairest in the land! I am more beautiful that her!" 

"Snow White's skin is so lovely, like tissue paper compared to your soft wrinkles, and her hair, black as a starless night sky, is so silky compared to your gray roots, and her blood red lips, like rose petals compared to your frown stained lips," the mirror said. 

Alright. If I'm not the fairest in the land, there is an obvious problem. I knew nothing good could come from that little brat. Now, nobody is going to respect me, or gawk at me or want to be like me.  What am I going to do? I can't just make her ugly, people will notice, since she's the most beautiful in the land...that leaves one solution. I called my lady in waiting to fetch my roughest hunsman. He arrived quickly, and I told him the plan.

"Take her into the woods, and kill her. I never want to see her again," I concluded. Being rough may be associated with being stupid, but this hunsman knew how to save his own neck. He agreed with my plan, and rushed away. 

That stupid little girl! Of couse she talkes to the birds! Of coure the birds will warn her about the huntsman coming for her! What else would happen? A perfect plan? Oh please, come down from the clouds. If you want something done, you do it yourself. What other ways can I kill her?

"Mirror, wake up! Where is Snow White?" I said as I clapped my hands to wake the mirror up.

"The fair Snow White is living with seven dwarfs who go off to work everyday," the mirror said with a sleepy voice.

"Perfect. That leaves just enough time to sneak in and feed something to the naive little girl. And don't call her that, it won't be true for long," I said aloud, voicing my plan, as to talk out any glithes.

"And you think she won't recognize you?" The mirror questioned me. He is just so judgemental!

"Obviously, I'm going to disguise myself, this is not my first day on the job, I'll have you know," I said to the mirror, "and don't use that tone of voice with me, or I'll smash you into one thousand pieces."

The mirror went back to sleep, and it was getting pretty late, so I decided to wait until tommorow to get the girl.

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With the morning came a happy feeling that continued to grow throughout the day. After I had transformed into an old ugly hag I poisened an apple twice. I know that the spell could be broken with true love's kiss, so for the second poisening, whoever touches her will die on the spot. Even I hear the gossip of the prince having his eye on precious little Snow White. After I disguised the apple in a basket of fruit that was browning, as to make the apple look even more delicious, I set out to walk though the deep woods to the cottage.

Soon enough I arrived at the cottage. I knocked on the door and it opened to reveal the face that I loathed so much. I put up a front though.

"Hello dear peddler woman! What are you selling today?" Snow White said with a sickingly sweet smile on her face. 

"Fruit," I said in the scratchy voice that came with the disguise. It would not be my first choice for this task, but I don't  make the rules for magic.

"Oh! That's so lovely! I was just talking to my friends the animals about how the dwarfs who live here never have any fruit around and..." She droned on and on about the neccesity of fruit for a balanced diet for a worker. It was very boring, and I was itching to get out of here before the dwarfs came home. "So! May I see what fruit you have?"

"Sure my darling! I have a very special apple for you," I said as I picked out the poisened red orb and handed it to her. 

"Why thank you!" She exclaimed as she took a bite of the poisened apple. Almost instantly she fell to the ground dead. A wide smile spread across my face.

I won.