the effects

Anxiety

plastered on my face, the smile I possessed that day was the largest anyone had seen it, being a wide grin that reassured everyone that I was doing ok. of course this is how I looked everyday but the difference then was that it was a truly genuine smile magnifying my genuine happiness, a rare luxury that I had very few experiences with. I turned my head slightly to the right to be taken aback to see my best friend , Hope, giving me one of those looks that could light up a room the moment it entered and make everyone around fill with positivity and optimism- cheesy sounding yes, but truer than any words I've ever spoken. as I returned the favour with my ugliness, she gripped my hand tightly in hers and squeezed gently, trying her best to show my how proud she was that I was doing it. You see, I'd had a rough year so far, full to the brim and spilling over with depression and self harming, bullies, anxiety, and just about any other negative thing that wanted to join the party. That was the day that I punched back against what everyone said and had ears only for the beautiful girl standing next to me and helping me survive in this world that appeared to be throwing everything it could against me.

Every persons face began to stare at me as I sauntered through the halls, eyes full of bewilderment upon my confidence lined the lockers on either side before automatically rushing to their friends to go continue gossiping about my weirdness. When the pair of us reached the destination of our first class, Hope rapidly swung the door open to let me go through and into the nightmare that was mathematics. Mr Tonne poorly attempted to cover his surprise at seeing me so happy after weeks and months of misery, however, it was plainly displayed on his sharp features when the lanky structure of his body turned to face me. "miss Morgan Branneth, how lovely to see you so happy again, I missed that lovely smile!" he uttered before completely ignoring me as usual.

exiting the classroom in a slightly more bored mood as before, I met up with Hope yet again. Because I was so ecstatic about how well I was doing, I felt safe enough to visit the bathroom without her so I pushed open the doors with my hands and took a step onto the grimy tiled floor. Turning the corner, I was met with the worst aspect of school. Jana Bish. You hear that, even her name implies how much of a snobbish bitch she is. Not believing my unluckiness, tried my best to keep my head facing the ground and move forward into the cramped cubicle and I really thought I had made it but then I felt the sharp nails digging into my shoulder and stabbing my back. I hesitated before turning to look into that face of hatred, with it's sinister grin playing on the lips, I knew that my good streak that day was over. Was I really going to fall victim to a monster like Jana again? I really hoped not. as she began insulting every aspect about my looks and personality, I felt it coming. I tried my very best to hold it inside until I could escape this claustrophobic building but when she screamed the word into my ear, that was when I lost it all. "faggot!". My pulse thickened, my breathing became quicker and shorter as I watched her vibrantly painted lips chanting that single word again and again. I knew what was happening, I was going to have a panic attack!

Black spots appeared across my vision, creating a blurry view of the girl laughing outrageously at my "discomfort". I could feel myself swaying as I felt lightheaded, a dizziness growing hastily in my head consumed my focus and I felt a falling sensation before I realised I was on the moist floor with my forehead trickling blood like a steady stream of scarlet. I tried to remember what I had done as I thought back to that short moment as I collapsed, an aching pain throbbing my wound as I registered that I hit my head on the sink. This was the last thing I perceived before a darkness swallowed my sight and engulfed my consciousness...