The Breakup + Harry Styles

07

[the letter]

-

"Hi, babe.

I can't believe I'm actually writing this. You know I'm not the type of guy who writes cheesy love letters. But I found that this is my only way to get to you. It's the only way for my words and thoughts to be known. I don't even know if you'll get this thing.

Your parents will probably throw it away when they see it in their mailbox. Unless you check the mailbox before they do, but I doubt it. I know you don't like to wake up early, and I have always been the one to check the mail. That's okay if you don't read this letter. I hope you get it though. I just need you to know everything I never got to tell you when I had the chance, and hey, maybe this letter will get to you. I'll take this chance. It's the only one I have left.

And that makes me so f.ucking angry—that I never told you all the things I should've said when you were here. I hate that, and I hate myself for only realizing that now.

Did you know that I've technically killed myself already in the past four months? I've lost a lot of weight, all my hair is about to fall out, and I'm sick right now. I'm not trying to make you feel horrible, that you're the reason why I'm basically going mad. But you are. You literally fu.cked me up. But it's okay, because you were worth every little thing. I don't know where I'd be if I had never met you. I've learned a lot of things because of you, and you changed my view in life.

I'm still not over you, and honestly, I don't think I ever will be. You were the only person who made feel a certain way, and I miss feeling it. No one in my life has ever made me feel that way. Only you.

You're the only one I really, truly loved. I gave you everything I thought you wanted. I tried to be everything you wanted me to be. But I guess I wasn't enough though, was I? If I was, you would still be with me. But you're not. You're not here anymore, and the space where you laid on my bed feels so empty. The chair you would sit on in the mornings when we drank hot coffee is cold, because you're not sitting there anymore with cups prepared for the both of us when I wake up.

I'm all by myself without you. I've shut out every other breathing person. It's only me now. All of my friends don't want to deal with me anymore. They say I'm insane for still loving you after what you did to me. They don't understand. They shouldn't say bad things about you, and I didn't let them. I told them to f.uck right off. They don't know what we had together. They'll never know the way I felt about you—felt... I meant feel. I still feel the same.

I love you. I love you for everything that you are. Every little detail physically and internally, I love. I always told you that, and I hope you still kept those words. I don't want you to dig up your flaws—because you don't have any. Whatever flaws you have, they aren't that. To me, those are the most beautiful things.

Sh.it. I'm crying, and now my wet tears are all over this paper. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry for ruining this paper. I can't help it, you know? I cry so much now. I thought I was manly enough to never cry. I hated crying in front of you, and this is basically almost the same thing. I'm really sorry.

I guess I'll end this letter now, because if I don't, it'll end up to be a thousand papers long. And hey, guess what, if you wanted a thousand letters, I would write them. I really would. Anything. Just for you.

So, yeah... this is really it. I don't want it to be though. I already know the answer to this question but, will you give me another chance? I know you've given me so many already... but please let me try again. I'll do a lot better this time. I can't bear to be without you. I really am about to go psychotic. I need you in my life.

Send me a letter back if you are. Or if you aren't. Either is fine, as long as I can get some type of anything that comes from you.

Goodbye, baby. I fell in love with you... maybe just a little too much."

-

(written 2/22/14)