Wildfire [Milex]

Wildfire

[This oneshot was written for Ix @twinkyalix 's project 'A Certain Romance'. Go check out her reading list for the other stories!]

...

I love you, Alex.

I love the way the sun reflects in your eyes,
turning them a thousand shades of hazel brown amber golden
slightly different every single time they catch the light.
I love the way they glimmer, those eyes of yours,
so full of mischief and happiness and love
it's impossible not to smile.

I love
Your hair, your build
your skin with its constellations of freckles and scars
more interesting truly
then those of real stars

I love the way you talk, too
With your gestures and your face, so clear, so expressive, like a book for me to read
to snicker at when you mock the rest
to clench my heart when it falls.

I love
all your little mannerisms
even the things
that would bother, annoy me
were it anyone else
doing them
(but I could never get irritated by you
not because you are perfect
but because your flaws make you so)

Oh Alex,

I love
that I don't have to ask you anything.
That I know:
everything I want to ask
you'll tell me, one day
when you're ready.
(And if you're never ready, I love that too
some things needn't be said to be understood.)

  - For we always understand.
  That's why I love you most, I suppose.
There is this bond, this link between us-
between our minds, our souls, our very cores -
that does not, necessarily, make us feel what the other feels
or think their thoughts
or dream their dreams;
as much as it allows us to comprehend
to understand
to accept and love the other
even if their problems aren't our own
even if we know nothing but the tip the iceberg
and have only vague assumptions of what might be underneath.
You always know to soothe me, and when to disappear
When to diffuse the pain with laughter
when to let me cry my tears
and just l i s t e n
(I try I try, that's all I know, to do the same for you)

And I love you for that.

I know
others will never fully
grasp what we are:
a bit more than friends
a bit else than lovers
a mix of everything and nothing
the purest in-between

They assume, when we speak
with rapid tongues and faces flushed
with excitement and good wine-
that we must be friends, for surely
no couple gets along so well.

Then, when I kiss you, the glances start to move
Their gazes,
questioning,
conspiring and confused
There's no room in their mind for alternatives
to the good old black and white
  - they do not know that all the best colours happen in between

If we're more than friends, we must be lovers
no matter what we ourselves say

I used to fall for this myself
Spent years thinking it must be a crush
that set you apart from the rest
and made me want to
care for you
be with you
hold you close
let you be warm
here
with me
in my arms
make you feel safety, comfort
be your home away from home
be a friend
as a friend should be
and then a little more

(A more that would hide
in playing with your hair
tracing the lines on your skin
kissing you, maybe
like a mother would do
Or not minding, at all,
if you were to be in love with me
and asked me to be yours
whatever way you wanted
because I'd rather be your lover
than not being around you at all.)

And yet, what I feel for girls
is so different from this.
I don't mind seeing you kiss her
knowing you'll share her bed
There is no jealousy that you write your love songs
with her picture in your head
  - I wouldn't want it any other way
 
I don't want the little things with you
that I do want with my girl
Holding hands, butterfly bellies, lovesick days of loneliness-
they do not suit us two.
You're a steady in my life
a stick to lean on
when the world slips away
I wouldn't sacrifice that happiness
just to let our fingers entwine

(Don't ever let her know but you're
too precious to waste on romance)

Boys and girls may come and go
friends and lovers
be damned.
You are what a soulmate would be like

It's
the purest love I feel
for anyone I know.

A love not based on relation
on dependency or owing you or family ties
A love not for "the only one"
with it subsequent quarrels and lies
I love you not for your beauty (though beautiful you are)
Or for whatever earthly pleasures you might give -
we don't need those things to keep us together and bloom and blossom and live

We are bound by something much stronger.

Something I
cannot pinpoint
abstract and unique and strange as it is

All I know is that I love you, Alex.
Like a brother, like a friend, like a lover might
All in once and yet none of the above

We make our own rules
draw our own lines
ignoring the ones those before us set in stone
staying together not for money or lust
but only
for the want
to have the other
learn from them
and enjoy
the happiness they spread
like wildfire
and share in its warmth.

A/N: I hope you liked this! I know it's not your usual subject for a milex fic, but fanfiction funsies aside, this is what I really imagine their relationship to be like. If you want to know more about these sort of relationships, they are called a "queer-platonic relationship" and I can really recommend researching them, they're great💕 Also sorry for the weird poetry stuff lol I don't know what happened there. Anyways, thank you for reading, and enjoy the rest of the stories!

x Olivia (18, The Netherlands)