Withered.

3

The wind is blowing through my hair as I am pedaling my bike, making it seem so long in the shadow. My neighborhood is quiet and peaceful as usual, unlike my chaotic mind.

As I am passing by all the houses I passed by a million times before, memories come into my mind, flashbacks from when I was little. I remember the time I learned how to ride a bike. 'I was five, I guess. Wearing my hair in  two ponytails, bounded by flowers as I was riding my glittery-pink mini bicycle. I remember it as if it was yesterday. So vivid. So clear. I even remember my dad's powerful laugh. My mom sitting beside him, smiling. It was one of the best days of my life. The sun was out, shining bright, the sky was clean, and the birds were singing and flying around. A perfect spring day, just like you see in movies. It was the sixth time I was trying to ride that bicycle, and it was the first time I managed to do it. My parents were so happy. They looked really proud, even for such a small thing. They were applauding me, congratulating me. I felt like I was victorious. Like I finally did something good. 
 
Right then, Alec came back from school. He was just getting out of his best friend's car when I yelled his name.He smiled when he saw me, showing his perfect, white teeth.

I loved Alec the most. I was attached to him more than I was with my parents or anyone else, so whenever he came home from school or wherever he was going, I always welcomed him in some kind of way.

    He came towards me screaming to me that I did a great job. I was riding towards him to welcome him. Right in that moment, I wanted to stopped in front of him, but I didn't make quite a good job. I realized only then that I didn't know how to stop a bike. That was the next step I forgot I had to learn. I wasn't riding fast at all, so he didn't even fall when I bumped into him. However, I did. But he was there to pick me up. He was always there to pick me up when I was falling. Before and after that.'    

I want it all to go back then, when we were all together, and we were a family, and we were all happy.

It is 6 a.m. I usually wake up at this hour. But last night I couldn't sleep at all. I couldn't stop picturing them there, hiding behind the labyrinth, together. It makes me sick to even think about one of them. I feel my stomach turning upside down. I literally feel like I am going to vomit, but I don't have what to. Since I ate the cereals with Alec, yesterday, after school, I haven't been able to eat anything. I am in a continuous sensation of illness. I feel hurt.

There are answers now to so many weird behaviors. I can see now why dad didn't want us to go to the party and why Alison bailed on me when we got to the party. Maybe she didn't want me to go, but she had to act like she was my friend. That friend that I know and love, but whose dead to me now. And I would have done anything in order to go with her at that party, or anywhere else. I wonder for how long she was pretending that she was still that Alison, who would have snick into my house at 1:00 a.m., so that we should go eat junk food and talk about her stupid ex-boyfriend on a bench in a park. I wonder how she feels about me.

I know that it is unfair to keep this away from Alec. Even if I am doing it for his own good. I know that Alec is having issues with anger, and God knows what he will be capable of, if he finds out. And I really would not like him to get back to his old bad habits.

On the other hand, he is his son, too. And he deserves to know. I am unable to lie to him and eventually he will find out. I know he will, because he is the one who knows me best, and he always can tell when I am lying. It is usually up to his decision to ask me about it or not.
But it will hurt him even more, if it happens to find out from somewhere else.

I am just too scared of his reaction. I am so scared to see him suffer again. He suffered enough when our mother died. Maybe he still does in silence. I mean, of course he does. I do, too. You never really move on from the death of a parent. You just find distractions. I find those distractions in parties and in Alison, but he just seems that he is trying to change in what our mother wanted him to become. A good, intelligent child, that doesn't really hangs out and gets good grades.

Besides, he worshiped her. When he was younger, he saw her as his own angel, always there to make him sandwiches in different shapes everyday for school. When she died, he didn't want to come out of his room. He never really wanted to eat or to see anyone. He didn't go to school for a month, because he didn't want to get out of the house and face reality. He said that he didn't want to see the world without her. He didn't want to see all those people moving on, living happily, knowing that she was no longer among us. He was having nightmares every night. He would scream in his sleep, and when I would finally get to his room to wake him up, I would find him all soaking in sweat.  I don't really know how I managed to go to school and live this life, but I did it somehow.But what I know for sure, is that that pain was enough for him. 

I feel something warm sparking my cheeks. The sun is rising up, reminding me that I need to go back home and pretend that everything is fine. Everything is okay. Nothing happened. I have to forget everything that I have seen in the other night in order to keep my brother out of this. After all this time he has been there for me, I have to be here for him now. And I will not allow him to suffer more than he already did.

'Maybe I am the one who should think otherwise. Am I over reacting? It could have been worse. I don't know precisely how, and I don't want to think about it, but it could have been worse.'

I turn my way back, trying to make peace with myself for doing this. Making all sorts of excuses. It feels wrong, but I need to do this. My thoughts are coming back to me stronger than before, making me fall into another dimension again, as I am riding home.

It is only the moment I get in front of my house when I realize all the police cars and the ambulance that are parked in front of it. I stop the bike and stand on my feet. My heart stops. I let my bike fall down.

 Everything starts moving in slow motion as I realize what is going on. My pupils are moving fast, analyzing everything. Cops are walking around talking to each other. Neighbors came to see what is going on. The paramedics are running in and out my home. The sirens are lightning. I can't hear anything, but my blood running through my veins. I start hearing my heart pumping slowly, too. I hear my bicycle hitting the ground as I am starting to run fast inside, passing the police man and under the yellow band.
 However, they stop me at the door. Two cops are holding me while I am struggling in their arms, yelling at them to let me in.

"I am sorry, but this is a crime scene, kiddo! We can't let you in!" says one of them.

'C...Cr...Crime scene? What is he talking about? This can't be happening. Not to me! Not now! No, no, no, no. Alec! I need to find Alec! I will lose my mind if something happens to him. This must be a really well organized joke. I was just here 45 minutes ago! First Alison and my father, and now this. This cannot be true. I refuse to believe any of this! It is like my life is cursed! My world ended. My life ended!'

"What crime scene?" I yell back, terrified, pulling my tears back. "Alec!" 

'Please answer me, Alec. I need you to come to me, alive, in flesh and bones!'

"Alec!!" I yell his name again, struggling harder. "Let me go! I need to find Alec! I need to find my brother! Let me go! This is my house!"

  I start crying, falling down on my knees, the cops still holding my arms really tight.

 'They are hurting me. Why does everything hurts so bad? I just need to see Alec. I need to know he is okay. I need to know he is alive'

 I start whispering his name through my tears, as I am falling down. Everything becomes blurry, making it hard to see around. The blur turns slowly into white as I saw my brother's face in front of me. He looks like an angel. A beautiful angel, with deep blue eyes. For a moment I thought I arrived in heaven, alongside my brother. Then everything became blank and I passed out in the officers' arms.