Withered.

4

I wake up to see the dark-blue ceiling of my room, full with a lot of glowing in the dark stars. I sit like that for a couple of moments, staring at the ceiling me and my brother drew when I was ten.

I was so cheerful back then, so full of life. We had a lot of fun drawing on the walls. It was really hard for us to convince our parents to let us paint on the walls.

While we painted, we were discussing our problems, -mostly me actually, because he was the popular guy then-, and how at school everyone was mean. How the boy I liked didn't pay any attention to me and how the popular girls always got what they wanted. I wanted to be like them. I mean... who wouldn't. They had all the power they wanted. Everybody was afraid of them and no one messed up with them.

I succeeded to become one of them a while after our mother's death. Without any help from my brother. Not because he didn't want to, but because I didn't. I started to be mean to everyone. I didn't care what they felt. It made me feel strong and powerful. It made me feel like I was the ruler. The queen of the school. There were times when I was disgusted by whatever kind of person I had become, but I remembered every time that if I wasn't be like this, I would surely not survive high school without special help from the doctors.

Maybe this is karma coming back for all the bad things I have done in the past. Because I was so mean and cruel to everyone.

I want to go back then when my biggest problem was how a dumb boy didn't notice me.

I am walking my sight from a star to another. It can be see with a free eye which stars were drawn by Alec, and which ones were drawn by me.

There is a little star that I really messed up, but I like it.

I panicked really bad when I saw what I did, but Alec calmed me and told me that it was just fine and I didn't have to worry about it. That it was a beautiful star and that I should call it a falling star.
He told me to wish for something, so I made a wish, hoping it will work. It has worked that time and after that I started asking that star for things a little while, imagining that it is my lucky star. My own, unique, lucky star.

I don't believe in miracles anymore as I did back then. Maybe that's the problem. One's faith shall never be destroyed. Hope dies last they say, but once you grow up, your faith starts fading away little by little.

I want to believe that all the things that happened the other day are not true. That it is all not anything more than just a terrific nightmare. However, there is a part of me that wouldn't let me lie to myself like that. The pain I feel inside is too strong for only a dream. I know everything is true.

What I saw at the party, what I felt when I got home, the whole night spent on crying and passing out in Alec's arms.

I gasp. I want to go downstairs and see what happened. Why the police are all over our house. I know that someone got hurt, but I couldn't think of anything. My mind was squeezed like a sponge.

How can I get up from this bed and go back to the cruel reality when it is all so much easier now when I can pretend that nothing happened? Would it be that bad to live in a lie that makes you happy? That kind of fake happiness that you need to ease the pain.

I refuse to accept the truth. It is such a pretty lie. I will stay here like a vegetable, staring at my own night sky.

I can pretend that after I get up from this messy bed it will be a breakfast waiting for me, along with my father and my mother, who is yelling for my brother to wake up and come downstairs.

'Hold on.'

If my brother is alive and well, that means that someone else got hurt. It is not me, nor him, so that remains one person in this house.

'DAD!'
'How can I possibly forget about him?!'

I get up as quick as I can and run downstairs. Again, one pair of officers grabs me telling me that I can't go anywhere.

'Are they really that dumb to not see that I am in my house? I mean I am coming from my room, for the name of God.'

"I need to see my brother! Where is he?"

"Who is your brother?"

'I cannot believe they just asked me that.'

"You are sitting in my house!" 'You assholes'

I am holding myself so hard not to scream some sweet words to them. I feel my cheeks on fire and my eyes getting wet. I want to howl, to hit the walls, to cry until I run out of tears, but not in front of them.

"Where the hell is Alecsander Wilson?!"

"Aaliyah!"

When I hear my brother's voice coming from behind me it is like a rock is taken off of my heart. I turn around and as soon as I see him, I run to him and clasp him tightly.

I feel so relieve to hear him. To see him. It feels like I haven't seen him in years and we finally reunited. I want to let my tears fall off right there, in his arms, because I can't think of any other safer place for me.

"Are you ok?" he asks me while he unwraps his arms from me, holding my face in his palms, looking at me straight in the eyes. I don't want to let go of him, but I know I have to.

"I am fine. What happened here? Why are all these cops here?"

'I know I don't want to find out the answer, but I have to.'

He looks at me for a moment. I can see his blue eyes starting to drown in the tears he quickly removes with his right hand. He lets his head down, stretching his eyes. He remains silent for a moment, glancing at the floor. It is like he is waiting to gain enough strength in order to tell me what is going on. I need to hear that so I should know that it is true and I am not understanding this wrong. Yet seeing him like this, I can tell that it is true because there was only one time when I saw him like this.

When our mother died.

"Alec!", I whisper to him, seizing his face in my palms," Is dad ok?"

And after the moment I speak this words, Alec starts crying his tears out and holds me so tight at his chest. This might be the time I feel the most helpless. I start crying too, not caring about all the people that are gazing at us.

I am holding him like I would never want to let him go. And that is exactly how it is. I don't want to let him go. I can hear his heart beating inside him, and with every heartbeat of his that I hear, it reminds me that he is the only person that I have left. The only one that really loves me, and will be there for me. The only family that I have is him. The big brother who is always there for me in order to save me, protect me, keep away all the bad things. He is now everything. And I don't want to let go of him because I am afraid that in some kind of way he will leave me too. Someone will take him away from me and I shall remain alone with this dark mind of mine. Having no one that really matters to me. Having no one to offer me a shelter when I have nothing I can give back. Nothing at all. No one to love me unconditionally.

"I need you to be strong with me! I need you to be with me. I'm not going to leave you. We're gonna be ok" he sobs, kissing my forehead, then holding me back in his arms. " We're gonna be ok, we're gonna be ok..." he repeats me again and again and again.