Study Break // Luke Hemmings

❀ eleven ❀

Lilly's POV

Walking back to my house, I felt defeated. The feeling I had gotten in my stomach from when I caught Calum cheating on me was back, this time it was worse. The cause of all this pain was one of the people I had cared about, and that's what hurt over all of this. I reached the steps of my house and jingled the key inside, pushing my body towards the door, finding no strength inside of me to open it normally. I crawled into my bed and layed there, and that's how I planned to stay.

* * *

3 weeks later

3 weeks. 21 days. That's how long Luke and I haven't talked. All I could do was think of him, only him. He had occupied my thoughts, my dreams, my nightmares. But it suddenly occured to me that he was the cause of my living nightmare.

I hadn't left my house in those three weeks. The only times I would get out of bed were to use the bathroom or to get some more pencils and paper to write to Luke. It was quite pathetic, leaving letters to him. After all, he wouldn't care enough to read them, just like he didn't care about me.

I took a deep breath and faced reality. I couldn't be sulking around, waiting for him to show up. I had even left him voicemails asking him to show up, I was that desperate just to see him.

But at the same time, I wanted nothing to do with him. I wanted to throw up whenever I thought about him, he made me sick. He made me want to smash my head against the wall. He made me crazy.

If I was just smart enough to stick with Michael as my tutor, I wouldn't be in this situation. I would still be failing math, sure, but failing a class was way better than going mentally insane over a boy.

I glanced at the clock and saw it was 4 in the morning. I removed the covers from my body and sat up, ruffling my hair. I looked like a complete mess. There were bags under my eyes, my skin was paler, and I had lost a drastic amount of weight. I looked at the scars on my thighs and thought to myself it was for the best that they were there. Without them, I wouldn't have a reminder to show me how strong I have been over the past years, how much I've dealt with. They're like my battle scars, in a way. They remind me of the battles I've fought, and eventually won.

Sometimes, people hope for the best but expect the worst. That's what I'd done with Luke, but it ended up to be the worst.

His constant mood swings set me off. I hate that about him. I hate how he's an asshole. I hate how he treats people. I hate how he treats me. He can't just leave me and forget about me and move on with his life, expecting everything to be okay. It was official. I hated Luke Hemmings.

I stood up, my feet not feeling very welcomed by the cold floor, and went to approach the kitchen. I would try to eat, the first time in 4 days. Rummaging through the pantry, I found a sturdy glass bowl. I could see my reflection on it. Except I didn't see me, I saw a sad and hurt person.

My phone buzzed from the counter of the table, but I didn't bother to pick up. After a few seconds, it rang again. I grew annoyed with the Marimba tone and decided to pick it up, just to make the person on the other end shut up and get on with their day.

"Hello?" I croaked out, not realizing how my voice has been different, due to lack of speech over the past weeks.

"Michael and Francesca." Ashton choked out on the other line.

"What? Ashton, what happened?"

"They.. They've been murdered."

Ashton's words flowed through my mind so effortlessly and found their way to the core of my brain. It sunk in in a matter of seconds that not only one, but both of my best friends had been murdered, and now they were gone.

I instantly dropped my bowl into the floor, still holding the phone to my ear, waiting for him to say "Just kidding." Even though it would be a horrid joke. But nothing came out. All I could hear was muffled crying in the background, and soon found myself doing the same.

I leaned against a wall and sank down on the floor, letting the tears freefall from my eyes. I picked up my phone and threw it against the wall, wishing it would smash into pieces and disappear.

All my stress and emotions had builded up inside of me, and I was through. I was tired, exhausted even. I didn't want to deal with this anymore. I didn't want to live.

I slowly stood up and took small steps to the bathroom, looking around for pills. I kept them around, in case this was ever to happen. In case I had a desire to die.

I poured the pills into my hand and took water from a cup and swallowed. I swallowed so many pills that I lost count. The only thing I remember is dropping the glass and collapsing onto the tiled bathroom floor, and everything went black.

A/N: im crying a lot wtf i don't know why I did this im such a bad person no this cant be happening

also this is a short chapter sort of a filler for the events to come

i cant even type happily im too sad

my emotions