Fifty Shades of Crazy

Part 13

Chase looks at me with a soft look in his bright eyes, twinkling with a soft light. I feel an overwhelming sense of gratitude as I look at him and I feel my eyes fill with tears. I should be dead right now; I shouldn't be able to look into this amazing guy's eyes. God really must have a plan for my life because I cannot see anyway that my life should work this way. I take a deep breath and shakily released the air from my lungs.

"I am so lost, Chase. I don't know what I am going to do with myself. I could have died and it was my fault. My dad would have lost someone else. I should have been dead, but somehow God decided I was the one he wanted to give some more time to." I mutter, beyond puzzled why I am the person that is saved. Chase places his hand in mine and kisses each of my knuckles softly. I feel the warmth in my belly making me giggle. He peppers kisses on every inch of every inch of my face, making me burst out into laughter. I feel tears rolling down my cheeks as I laugh and I look up at Chase. The look in his eyes is one of someone who looks awestruck, someone who loves something and finally holds it in their own hands, someone who's dreams have finally come true. I can't help the lovestruck expression that has made its way on my face. I lean forward and place my lips on his, and he kisses me back with a fervor. We get tangled in the bed, my hands under his shirt, tracing his muscles. He shivers under my touch and I moan as his hands palm my breasts. A knock on the door makes us both freeze and we look at each other in fear. He quickly moves back to his chair and brushes my hair back. He shoots me a smirk before kissing my temple as Jack and Cade walk into the room. Jack looks between Chase and I with a mischievous grin on his lips, raising his thick eyebrows at us.

"You been conscious for about an hour and you two are already getting freaky in here. I've never had hospital sex, but I bet it is real good. I'll refer to you about that later in the week." Jack winks and I feel my cheeks begin to burn at his comment. Jack's jokes lighten the atmosphere of the tense, fear filled hospital. Cade smiles at me, moving to my side and kissing my temple repeatedly. I smile through tears, as I look at my sweet little brother. He looks up me with his bright blue eyes, dirt smudged on his forehead from working. I notice a blonde stubble barely visible, growing on his jaw and his white In-N-Out t-shirt I had gifted him, has a tear in the arm.

I look up at Jack and he looks practically the same as he did before all this happened. His eyes twinkle as he plays with his greasy blonde brown hair. Blemishes mar his forehead and he has tan lines from wearing sunglasses. Everything about what he looks like fit his personality; his goofy eyebrows fit his eagerness to collect laughter. Seeing two of my best friends made me miss the one who always holds me closest to his heart, figuratively and literally. Ryder has a habit of picking me up in his arms and holding me like a baby to his chest. Ryder is my soulmate in a platonic way; we could make each other happiest or we could fight worse than imaginable. He has been my person since the first day when we ran into each other in school. I just want Ryder to stop being so angry at me for what I did. I want to hear his voice whisper that everything would be okay, even if we had no idea if it would.

"How is he doing?" I ask, studying Jack fearfully. He and Cade share a grimace and Jack squares his shoulders as he turns to face me.

"To be perfectly honest with you, baby girl, he is so f*cking pissed at you. I don't think I have ever seen him as scared as when you passed out in your bed. And Kate, you don't understand what he went through hearing that you may never wake up from the coma. You know how Ryder wears his heart on his sleeve when it comes to the people he loves. Seeing you in here tore him apart and he feels d*mn guilty that you are in here." Jack discloses to me, his eyes taking in mine with worry. I shutter that the thought of being in his shoes and I understand why he acting the way he is.

"I miss him." I whisper and I see all of them flinch at the single tear that rolls down my cheek. I find myself thinking of my favorite moment of my senior year of high school, when Ryder won homecoming king and I won homecoming queen. We had never felt so proud to represent our town. I can see Ryder's grin as they placed the plastic crown on top of his sweaty strands of hair. I can see his massive shoulders straighten and his chest puff out in pride. I remember the way that he picked me up as they said our names and he held my shaking hands. I remember him whispering to me that I was the most beautiful girl there despite the fact I was sweaty without an ounce of makeup and in football gear. I remember the way that our football gear felt incredibly light and the way that we played with grace and agility. I remember the little wink he shot me as everyone in our stands screamed as they read our names. I remember watching him hug everyone around him and I remember teasing him about becoming cocky. I remember sobbing that night in his arms, knowing that moments were fleeting and we would be torn apart. I remember him whispering that distance could come between us, but he would always be my best friend. And even if he isn't someday, he promised to tell his children about me. I think that is what tore me up the most about Ryder, his utter sincerity and unmatched love. And he is angry at me and it will probably stay like that for a while.

I began to feel even more disheartened when a chorus of giggles wakes me from my thoughts. I focus my eyes on my two young brothers whom run towards my bed, their smiles making me smile. Brightly dressed munchkins fly into my bed, throwing themselves on top of me. Knocking the wind from my chest, but I cannot help but throw my arms around them. I plant kisses all over each of their faces and tickle them, making them giggle loudly. I smile at the noise as they squeal for me to stop. I wrap them in hugs and hold them tightly against my chest.

"We missed you so much, Kate. No one is as much fun as you are." Seven year old Bo says sweetly, placing a kiss on my cheek. His smile is spitting image of our father and it makes him irresistible to refuse.

"Yeah, no one would give us ice cream before breakfast or after dinner." Five year old Tate adds, making me laugh at how cute his words are. The dimples in his tan cheeks are so precious and I squeeze him tighter.

"Tate, that's not nice!" Bo criticizes, his glare directed at his little brother.

"Well, it is true! And daddy doesn't like to sing when you aren't home." Tate announces with his little lips placed in the cutest pout I had even seen in my whole life. I kiss his nose, making him wrinkle it in disgust. Both of the boys settle in my bed, quietly Tate lying on my chest and Bo lying at my side. I kiss the top of my little brothers' heads and I close my eyes in exhaustion.

I hear a thump and a heavy sigh of someone who sounds discontented. I open my eyes to see Titus attempting to get comfortable on the plastic hospital chair. I watch him struggle for a few moments and try to a hold back a comment for as long as I can.

"That does not seem to be working too well, bud." I point out.

"Well, no sh*t, captain obvious." He cracks back, irritation in his voice. Then it hits him like a rock that it is my voice and he jumps out of his chair. He looks at me and a giant grin grows on his face. He smooches each of my cheeks and he laughs loudly as he looks at me, fondly. I grin at the man who grins at me, running his hand through his onyx curls. He stares at me and suddenly he throws his head back laughing in joy. His family genes blessed with his sharp jaw and gorgeous chocolate eyes that could melt the strongest of people. He parts his plump pink lips to flash his bright white teeth, making me swoon. Despite the fact that Titus is like my brother, his look are ones that even I am not immune to. His chocolate eyes sparkle as he looks me over, curiously.

"You're awake, Kate. You are really okay." He says as he scans me with a hand gripping mine tightly as if he is scared I'll disappear if he lets me go. I smile at him, hugging him just as tightly. I am overwhelmed by the amount of love that I have been showered in despite that it is my own fault that I am in this place. Titus grips my hand in his as he tells me about the ranch and how football is going. I hang on every word as he gives me an insight into the time I have missed. I close my eyes as he talks, and I attempt to fight the sleep trying to take over.

"It's okay, Kate, you can fall asleep." He senses my struggle and his soft voice lulling my tired body back into a restful sleep.