Silver War (Fourth Book in the Red Queen Series)

Mare

   I  fight the urge to punch yet another wall. Pain radiates from my scarlet-marred knuckles all the way up my arm and my shoulder, not doing anything to dispel the thoughts plaguing my mind.

Cal chose his crown. More than that, he's chosen it over me. After swearing up and down for months saying he didn't want it, the smallest promise of getting his kingdom back has lured him away from whatever I though we had. He didn't choose me. He'll never choose me.

I wish the thought would hurt more. I wish I could bring myself to cry or scream or even punch the wall one more time. But I don't have any emotion left. All I have is the twinged of my abused hand and the sense of utter and complete emptiness. Between the battle,and Cal, and everything else that's happened to me in the past year, I'm simply drained.

"Your not saying anything," Farley states plainly, arms crossed over chests. "Not like any of the Barrows to keep their mouths shut." Though her face is a mask of disinterest, I've known her long enough to recognize the slightest concern in her voice.  It should infuriate me, but the lick of anger that shoots through me dies before I really feel it.

"What am I supposed to say?" I mutter. When I said it in my mind it came out as a haughty retort. Instead, it comes out flat. The muddy ground slops around my boots as I sink back against the cool wall behind me. I can't meet Farley's gaze - not right now, not like this - so I cast my gaze down to the battered flesh of my hand.

I poke at one of the dark bruises,  dark purple beneath my skin. The pain is crucial, but momentary and I barely have time to wince before it ebbs back aching. I wouldn't be surprised if I fractured a bone or two. Maybe even broken one.

I'm reminded of Gisa's hand,  after that chaotic day in Summerton. How I miss her, dad, and mom, I just hope they are safe back in Piedmont. Her slim fingers , better suited for sewing than thieving , catching on a Silver's bag as she tried to rob them, to help me. To help steal the money Kilorn, escape conscription. I wonder where Kilorn might be, I could really use his company right about now. 

"This alliance had to happen, Mare," Premier Davidson interjects, breaking me from my reverie with his patented calm tone. I meet his impassive glaze with a cold glare. HOW DARE YOU LECTURE ME ON WHAT HAD TO HAPPEN? , I want to snap. I stop my mouth before it lets out any words I might regret. Davidson continues, "That's the only way we'll prevail without losing thousands more of Red soldiers. We'll let the silvers tear themselves apart over the throne and when it's time we'll strike and take over Norta." So that's why none of Scarlet Guard are furious, it was always the plan, weaken silvers by their own kin and strike when they're vulnerable. It's the only way, Cal will stay with me...