over the months ive come to realize that letting you go was not the biggest mistake of my life, maybe we needed that break, maybe we did need time. the biggest mistake was telling you we could never be the same again, that there was no use waiting for "us" because "us" was never going to happen again. you were an inkflood into my heart, i poured poems out of my mouth for you like my lungs had mistaken them for carbon dioxide. i was the one who told you to move on, and yet here i am crawling back to you. because i am, at this point, infatuated with the idea that you might let me back in. that i can even look you in the eyes again, your gorgeous eyes that gleamed with confidence and was contingent with your smile. i passed the bus stop where i almost kissed you for the first time, we weren't quite together yet, but i held you close as if we were. you had to leave, you really, really had to leave because your bus was almost there but we both wanted to stay. our eyes lingered on one another's but we both knew there was a better place for a first time. later that week you were back in my arms, and god, we couldn't stay off of each other. i had to change the way my room was arranged because after i broke up with you, i felt your kiss engraved deeper into me every time i walked in. we both know we could easily come back to the way we were, if you didn't love him. but you do, and im glad you do. he doesn't seem like the kind of guy to pull anything as shitty as i have. you deserve that kind of love. and you love him so deeply, i see the way you melt into his arms. the same way you did in mine, but deeper. this is what it is, this is the hand ive dealt myself. fuck, am i ever an idiot for it.
