Twenty-Eight Stamps [#Wattys2017] || ✓

the t w e n t y - s i x t h letter

Dear Hunter,

I waited for you the next day, at the entrance to the school, but you didn't show up. Numerous times I called you, but it went straight to voicemail. I couldn't bring myself to show up to first period Maths after that, so I retreated to a storage cupboard and locked myself in there.

When I was in that sanctuary, I took out the iPod you got me for my eighteenth birthday and played it on repeat. It contained a playlist, one made up of all of the songs we ever listened to together and enjoyed. I'm listening to that right now; I wonder whether you listen to it from time to time and think about me. I listen to it more than I'd like to admit to myself.

What I hate most about this state I'm in is that I sound like the kind of girl whose existence is entirely dependant on a boy. I don't want to be her, and I hate that that's what I am, because I want to be strong. I want to be independent. I want to set a good example for young girls and the girl I used to be. I'm wishing I could just continue with my life as though nothing happened, but I can't. No matter how hard I try.

Maybe it's not you that's causing me to feel this way. I shouldn't blame you entirely. I think it's partially my fault, for allowing myself to fall in so deep when the outcome was inevitable.

Maybe it's the way you left. Maybe the way you hurt me, the way you just walked away, is the reason I can't continue. I'll never trust anyone again.

I'm still trying to figure that part out.

All my love, always,
Maia.