Twenty-Eight Stamps [#Wattys2017] || ✓

the e l e v e n t h letter

Dear Hunter,

From that moment, I felt like you genuinely wanted to be my friend. You were so different from the rest; most of the others at school tended to either turn their noses up slightly at me or ignore my presence completely. But you weren't like them. I felt as though you accepted me. I really, really tried to push down the part of me that wanted to be more than just your friend.

We rarely saw each other outside of school, but during the school day, I can safely say that we were friends. I'd sit with you and your friends sometimes, and we'd occasionally talk at break, lunch and mutual classes. I tried to tell myself that it was enough for me. Your friends had even stopped ignoring me, knowing how I had helped you get out of the week's detention. The only one I remember properly now is Brett, the tall guy with the shaved head and the bright green eyes.

The more I got to know you, the more I realised that I missed you painfully when we were apart. And the more I found myself completely and utterly falling for you, slowly but surely. It was your charm, your smile, your personality, your sense of humour, and your eyes. Every time I looked into them I felt everything was okay. Even now I'd give anything to look into those eyes one more time.

I didn't want to know if you felt the same way about me. Or rather, I wanted to, but I was scared of the consequences. I didn't want to admit my feelings for you and have you humiliate me by turning me down. And because I didn't tell you anything, I had to keep it hushed up in the dark inside of me. It was like trying to chain up a gas or a vapour, trying to keep it in one place, yet it spreads and spills and expands. That was one of the hardest things I did.

All my love, always,
Maia.