UNGROUNDING

Chapter 9

'He knows what is in every heart'
-Quran 67:13

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My mother-in-law then changed seats and came to seat next to me.

She turned my shoulders towards her and made me look into her eyes. I noticed that she had changed, I mean, physically that is. Like she hasn’t been sleeping enough or she was sick or something. Maybe Naim is giving her a hard time at home. Only God knows.

“Sara, my dear, I don’t know what came over me that made me act the way I did. Maybe, I let the shaytan plant envy and hatred in my heart, I don’t know really..."

"...I am not justifying my actions here, I am actually owning up to them. Yes, I did mistreat you, abuse you, insult you and roughed up your stay at your own matrimonial home. I am sorry Sara, I truly am. Of course this sounds and looks so cliché, but I mean it. I know you may not believe me but yeah this is it. This is me, apologizing to you right now. I don’t want to drag this conversation and make you bored of me; nevertheless, you already aren’t fond of me. So, please Sara, please forgive me. Forgive me for ruining your relationship with my son, Naim. I am aware that I am the cause of your separation and near divorce”

“Of course, you are” I chipped in.

By this time she had tears flowing on her cheeks. Lord, what a dramatic woman she is. All this so that Nain doesn’t lose his son. Fascinating!

“Sara, this is no time for sarcasm. I am trying my best here to apologize. Give me a chance here. This is not easy for me. It took a lot of courage to come here today. Please, listen to what I have to say”

“Ok, ok, finish your speech”

“I talked to Asiya and Naim too on the decision that I have made. I promised not to ruin your life anymore. I have decided that I am going to move out of the house. I will let you and Naim stay in peace. That is if you guys will stay together”

“But, but, that is literally your house. The house that you have lived in for the past I don’t know how many years. Why would you…”

“Khalas, it’s final. I have decided that I will go live with my sister, Namla, in Mombasa. Look …”she had now captured my attention.

Well, this is serious. “...I want you to come back to your home. Yes, I say your home because it is yours. I am literally begging you. I will kneel down if need be…”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, don’t do that!” I stopped her before her knees reached the ground. I am not that heartless. I can’t let an elderly person beg me till they kneel down. That is like ripping her of her dignity. This shows how desperate she is, that I forgive her.

“Sara I will do anything for you right now. But please just don’t let Naim go. Ask me, I have seen him cry his eyes out because of you in the last couple of days. I have seen my son in his worse state. I have endured my son’s anger and wrath for causing your departure. He will not survive without you by his side. He loves you Sara. He loves you, so very much…”

“And I love him too. But…this is hard for me too” I replied.

“I am totally responsible for clouding his mind and judgements. That is why he was what he was. What matters is that, he loves you and you love him too and that I am genuinely sorry for ruining your marriage. May Allah (S.W) forgive me”

She was now in stifles. I offered her a serviette to dry her tears and blow her nose out. For sure, she was genuinely sorry and this was no façade like I thought it was. I excused myself as the situation was getting awkward.

Now that I was safely barricaded in my room, I had the opportunity to think on my own.

I know my mother-in-law will not leave here today without an answer or at least an assurance. But was I ready to give her one? What will I do? It’s true I love Naim and I am going to have his baby. I wish for my son to have a father.

But, such a father? A father who’s mind can be easily clouded? A father who has marked my body with bruises? What if he goes wild again, huh? What will I do? I know I can fend for myself. I don’t lack anything.  I know I have thought of this moment numerous times.

The moment when she comes to ask for my forgiveness, the moment that she admits to her mistakes, but I did not expect me to feel this way. I was now pacing.

Why though? Why this unexplainable feeling? Am I really giving in? Is this it? My ungrounding? The moment I have been waiting for?  Am I still mad at her? Does victory feel like this? Is all this rebelliousness necessary? Will I ever regret my decision?

Ya Allah help me in this one; I don’t know what to do. Arrrggghhhhh……!

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Kisses...kisses...kisses...to all you who've been reading and voting and commenting....i appreciate you all (i know,i know i have said this lotsa times..but still...i say it once again🤗❤)