Moonstruck // Harry Styles

chapter-18

i recommend the song “is there somewhere” by halsey for this chapter. i’ve never asked this before but think this chapter would feel marginally better with that song playing in the back of your minds.

–tina.

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I woke up by the sound of someone crying. At first, it was only dark – the empty empty empty blackness that precedes from your eyes to your inner mind. I tried to blink, but then cometh the little moment of obscurity of not knowing where I was. I couldn’t remember when I fell asleep. I could still hear the cry when my surroundings became a little less unclear. I was at Jane’s room. I had come to her the night before. My back was hard and sore from sleeping at the floor all night.

I got up slowly, resting my weight on my elbows. My eyes were instinctively turned towards the bed. And I suddenly understood what the noise was. It was Jane. Jane was crying.

“Jane,” I whispered hoarsely. She didn’t answer. Her arms were hooked around her knees which she bunched up to her chest. Her head was bent low. Her dark, messy hair veiled her face even when I got up, panicking. I had never before seen her cry. I got up groggily and sat by the bed. Nervously, I stretched out my hand and touched her hooked ones. She didn’t look up.

“What is it?” I asked. My sleep still made some odd reasoning with my mind that it still might have been a dream. I still felt jammed. God, please, let this be a dream.

This time, she shook her head. And shook and shook, still crying.

“Jane?” I asked again. “What’s wrong?”

She didn’t answer. And I didn’t know what else to do except inch closer and engulf her in an embrace. She didn’t acknowledge for quite a time, my hands were still around her and I rested my face against her hair. “What’s wrong? What’s wrong? What’s wrong?” I kept murmuring in that strange pray that it was all a dream – in which she wasn’t actually crying like someone clawed at her heart from inside. And when she finally unclasped her hands to pull me in, I felt her warm tears on my neck. And then she was holding me too tight – her breasts pressed against my chest, her sobs brushing my shoulder.

“Darling,” I whispered. “What’s wrong?”

“Lilly.” She sobbed. “Lillian…”

“What?” I glanced sideway. Lilly was sleeping, her soft snores made the cover over her mouth blow. “What about Lilly?”

“She’s sick,” Jane said through gritted teeth. “Lilly… sick.”

“What?” I gasped. I tried to pull away and look at her face, but she clutched me even tighter. “Lilly—”

“She’s so pale all the time, and she’s so tired,” Jane continued. My neck was already greased by her tears. “She can’t eat… The – the doctor said she’s a – that her heart is weak. There’s no treatment and I – just I woke up and she wasn’t making a sound. I thought she died! She could die. Oh God, I’d die if she’s…” She couldn’t talk anymore. Her sob came to a point where it felt physically menacing.

“But she’s alive, Jane,” I told her.

She pulled back, hiccupping. Half of her hair looked drawn up, and the other half was pushed back to a lunatic frenzy. It was a mess. Tears kept running down her bloodshot eyes and her nose was watering as well. She realized that I was staring, presumably in disbelief, and started smudging her face – which only spread the moisture. 

“God, I’m pathetic.” She cried. “Pathetic.”

“No, Jane. Stop,” I said calmly, my voice came out in almost a sigh. I reached my one hand and stroked the couple brittle of hair on her forehead, the other one helped her hand. She still didn’t stop smudging.