In My Hour of Need

Chapter 14

As I tried sleeping that night, I couldn't help but think about how bad of an idea it was to hug Junior and tell him he was pretty. Again. It was simply stupid because he might think of it the wrong way, and that I like him in that gay-ish way. And I don't think I do. Because if I did, I would have noticed. Right? Or... My god, I don't know. Well, I do think he's pretty, but that's normal, right? Among... uh, friends... My mind was just messing with me, and I couldn't help but believe everything it told me. It was insane. I tried going back to the times I had acted abnormal around him, or shown signs of "love", or if you can even call it that. But all I could remember was what happened just hours ago, when I hugged him. Was I changing so much that I couldn't even remember the times with him that wasn't strange and awkward? But as I thought about it, I realized that the hug wasn't strange, not awkward either... I kind of liked it... And it fucking bothered me that I did, because it wasn't like me at all, and I didn't want to change. I was so scared, confused and tired; I didn't even know what I was doing. And I couldn't hide anywhere, I was in Paris, not in the safe apartment I knew and loved. That was about when Junior came into the livingroom.

"What's going on in here?", he asked, rubbing his eyes. Oh, he must have heard me talking to myself. "Nothing, everything is fine", I said with a fake smile on my face. That was the best thing I, as the true genius I am, came up with from the top of my head. And I admit it wasn't one of my best moments. Junior just sighed. "Yeah right", he said, and sat down next to me in the couch. Sometimes I wondered why he was up at night. I was the one with insomnia. "You know you can go back to sleep, right?", I told him, "You don't have to stay up with me". He yawned. I could tell he was tired, but it seemed like he didn't care. "No, it's fine", Junior said, "But I can see you have a problem". Oh, great, there was no way back from here. What was I supposed to tell him? Oh, Junior, it's unbearable! How my feelings for you keeps trying to scratch their way into my heart, but I won't let them, because my soul is too dark, and I'm not gay, I only think you're pretty! Yeah, that was not going to happen. I was going to have to find another way to say it. I wasn't going to lie to him, I mean; I had enough problems on my mind. I realized I might have spent too much time with my thoughts, because Junior kept talking, but I could hear him. "Dave, you can tell me about it, I won't go out tomorrow and yell your secrets on the street", he said. I sighed, and decided to just tell him already. It wasn't going to be easy, but nothing is, so yeah, here it went. "Uhm...", I stuttered, always a good start, "Don't get your hopes up, but I've started to get some feelings I can't quite explain, and... uhm, it's really annoying, because I can't figure out what it is". He looked at me. "What do you mean?", he asked. Oh, god... "Feelings... uhm... for you...", I said, slowly so he would understand this time. His eyes opened wide, and I could see him getting all restless and starting to sweat. He didn't know where to look or anything. "Uhm...", he stuttered, the same good start as me, "I, I don't know what to say... I... I, uh..." I cut him off. "You don't have to say anything", I said, "Just take your time to think, I honestly don't know how to deal with it myself". I looked down at the cushions in the couch, but I knew he was looking at me. And then suddenly I could feel his body pressing against mine. I totally didn't expect him to hug me. But I hugged him back, and we sat like that for a while. Just feeling his warm breath against the skin on my neck. Right now I couldn't care less. I loved him.