In My Hour of Need

Chapter 15

It felt like huge burdens were lifted from my shoulders, to finally just admit it, instead of keeping it inside like everything else. I loved him. I loved him... Such a strange feeling, so weird, I could swear I wasn't feeling quite perfect that day; something inside was tickling me. Or was it supposed to feel that way? I don't know, I guess I'd never been in love before. Was this really how it felt? But everything wasn't quite solved yet. I had to come back to the earth. Junior let go of me, and it immediately felt all chilly. I don't know if it actually was cold in there, or if the lack of his warmth against me made me freezing. At least it was one of the options, I felt fucking cold. Junior, come back. I didn't say that out loud, luckily, but that was what I was thinking.

Anyway, things were still unsolved, like if we were going to continue as friends or whatever. One thing was certain: I was not very excited to tell everyone I was gay. But what the hell were we supposed to do? Keep it a secret? That was too much work, fucking sneaking around in the hallways at night and stuff. Then Junior looked up at me. "So what are we gonna do?", he asked. Well, I don't know, I've been asking myself the same question a million times while you were sitting there, looking like some kind of loner at a bar. I shrugged. "I don't know", I said, "What do you think is best?" I think that freaked him out a bit; his eyes started trailing around the room. "Uhm... I was kinda hoping you had an idea", he said, sounding slightly more insecure than usual. I rolled my eyes. "Well", I started, "We obviously can't keep it a secret". His jaw dropped. "Why not!?", he whined. Oh god, what if he was one of those crybabies? I wouldn't handle that. "Wha... uh... well, because I don't think it's that good of an idea", I said. It's not like I was planning to tell the world about it, or chat about it to the press, it was just, you know, at least our fellow band mates deserved to know. So that was what I told Junior. "Oh", he said, "Right, I agree". This all came so suddenly, it felt like only yesterday we were just hanging out with Gar and Chris, doing drugs and drinking and shit. Now life felt like a fluffy cake with sprinkles. Not because it was easy, trust me, it wasn't, but because I kind of felt like a high school girl, talking to her crush in her mini-skirt. Why me? "So what are we gonna do next?", I asked Junior, "With... this?" I gestured to the two of us. I couldn't formulate the sentence any better. I didn't want it to come out as: "Junior, we need a talk! A talk about uuuusssss". Stuff like that was honestly sickening. Sorry to all the softies out there, it just is. "I dunno", he mumbled, "I was kinda hoping we could... uh, strtdtngrsmthng". This was like another language. He wasn't even trying to say it so I would understand. It was like if I would come down from Mars and speak the language they taught me there. I rolled my eyes again. "Junior, seriously, talk so people understand you". He just repeated it. "Junior, goddamnit". He sighed. "Uhm, I was kinda hoping we could start dating or something", he said, almost whispering. "Oh", I said, a little surprised. I shrugged. "I guess we could". His eyes lit up. "Really?", he said hopefully. I smiled at him. "Sure", I said, "I mean, what else? 'Cause –" I was cut off by him throwing himself at me for a hug. I didn't mind though. I mean, we were a dating couple now after all... And the warmth came back again. The warm feeling of just hugging him, it was indescribable.