Pretty When You Cry

The Good Times

Excited I put on my short black dress. It was so pretty, it even sparkled and my back was fully exposed, just like my shoulders. The dress had a low neckline and I emphasized my cleavage even more with a necklace. It didn't had shoulder straps, the way he liked liked it.

I put on my make-up, but it took me longer than usual because my hands were shaking. Before I could draw a straight and thick eyeliner, the one I only put on for special occasions, I had to undo it several times before I was satisfied with how it looked.

In the background I played Lana Del Rey, my favorite song "National Anthem". It reminded me of him and our relationship.

After I finally finished my make-up and put my stuff away, the doorbell rang. I ran down stairs and at the end of staircase I almost fell down because I tripped. I took a deep breath, fixed my hair and dress and then I opened the door.

I prayed it was him but as soon as the door was open I saw that, in fact, my mothers best friend was waiting in front of the door. She greeted me with the words: "You look pretty tonight, are you going anywhere?" I smiled even though frustration, anger and sadness boiled up in my chest, and answered: "Yes, me and my friends are going out." I guided her inside, into the living room where my mother sat on the couch and watched TV.

As soon as we both stepped into the room she switched it off and hugged her friend. My mother then opened a bottle of sparkling wine and poured it into two champagne glasses, while asking me if I wanted to have a glass too. I politely refused and left as soon as I could.

I felt tears bubbling up behind my eyelids, while I ran to my room. I opened the window and sat outside, on the rooftop of our garage. I didn't cared about my dress or my make-up, nothing mattered to me in this moment.

He was supposed to be at my house five minutes ago! Where was he? Would he come at all?

The air outside was warm, the sun still shining. Sunbeams were hitting my skin and I couldn't see any clouds in the sky. The weather today was beautiful, I was sitting outside, reading War & Peace by Leo Tolstoy and later I drew some more on my self portrait for my art class I was attending, all while listening to music.

Everything today could be good, but now this happened. I tried to calm myself down, telling myself that maybe he was late because there was much traffic or that he slept in (he often stayed awake the whole night and had to sleep before going out again the next day) and now he was on his way to me.

I shouldn't stress too much, he will come, I told myself. To be honest, I wasn't sure about this. It had happened before, that we both wanted to go out or simply do something together, but he didn't showed up at my doorstep.

Today wouldn't be any different, I lied to my mothers best friend. No other friends were planning to come, it would be only the two of us. I didn't bothered to tell her the truth because I couldn't stand it, when people made comments about the boy I loved and how he was not a good influence. And I didn't liked it either when somebody was like: "Oh, you have a boyfriend? That's cute!" They refused to take me seriously because I was seventeen, they probably thought that it was a childish relationship, not meant to be forever or even for a longer time. I hated that with all my soul. Just because I was seventeen, doesn't exactly have to mean that I was unable to distinguish between fake and real love. I was able to do so, trust me.

And by the way, we weren't even together. At least not the noticeable way other people lived their relationship. We didn't hold hands or kissed in public or did any of that stuff. It wasn't official.

But I was sure that there was something real happening to us. Every time I looked at him my mood lifted and no matter how bad I had felt before, he made me feel better. It was so easy, he just had to look at me to make me smile. He told me often that he loved me and every damn time I felt like his whole world. It was the best feeling I've ever felt, a completely different kind of exhilaration.

I felt safe when he hugged me, every touch send shivers down my spine and my skin burned when he touched me. I still felt his fingertips minutes later. Every kiss was an explosion on my lips. With him the whole world was paradise.