He stares at the sea, trying to calm himself; the sea breeze adding to the dread in his heart.
This used to be our favourite place, Meng. This used to be a place of comfort, a place where we can be ourselves. What happened? Why?
He stares at the sea, unable to fathom everything that happened. He closes his eyes and remember the time where none of this ever mattered; a time when the only thing that was important is their happiness and the bubble they shared.
****
Meng was rather a quiet girl at first, she used to stare at the sea, sit at the same spot and do that for hours till it was time to go home. He has always been drawn to her, someone that piqued his interest till it was time to return home.
"Where have you been, RJ?" his mother used to ask him when he returns home that night and every other night thereafter.
He just looks at her and says "By the sea." His mother smiles at him and doesn't pry.
He continues to go to the beach every day and sees her at the same spot as yesterday and the day after that. He sees her as his comfort, a refuge only for him in the world of his uncertainty.
That afternoon, he glances over the usual spot and doesn't see her there. RJ panics and looks around, no traces of her found. He hurries over when a hand stops him from behind.
"Bakit mo ako pinapanood?"
RJ is startled hearing her voice for the first time. He feels like some pervert watching a young girl for months now that he didn't know what to do the moment she approached him.
"Kinakausap kita, bakit mo ako hinahanap? Are you some kind of pervert?"
RJ abruptly looks at her and shakes his head at her insult. "Napaka feeling mo naman to think that I was here because of you. Hindi ba pwedeng napadaan lang? Hindi ba pwedeng may hinihintay ako?"
She stares at him and laughs "You're funny." She looks around and says "Just in case you haven't noticed, this is one deserted beach so people hanging out here will be unlikely. Medyo napapansin ko lang na these past few months you always come by.
He stares at her suspiciously, squinting his eyes at her who is trying so hard not to laugh. RJ shakes his head and tries to get out of there stopping himself early or he might humiliate himself more. As he turns around he hears a faint whisper of "Meng. You can call me, Meng." He walks away not looking back.
Why the hell did I spend those moments all these months ago trying to watch her sit and stare at the water only to be mocked by her? He muses as he forces his way home.
Barely a week has passed by and RJ finds himself at the same path he always takes going home; towards the beach to see a certain girl. He tries to stop from humiliating himself further than before but he couldn't stop what this habit he has acquired and the curiosity he apparently always has which involves her. He glances at the same spot where he sees her all those months before and is dejected when he found it empty.
"You're back." He hears someone say. He follows the voice and sees her there, unusually enjoying the waves while staring at the sea.
"I am." He says and walks over to join her. "Hi Meng, I'm RJ."
Every day has been like this, with him accompanying her in silence as she watches the sea. RJ did not dare ask her of the reason why she loves this place so much. He just sits beside her in silence and in comfort.
"Ang saya siguro makita yung end ng natatanaw mo no?" she says one day which startles him.
"Ano ibig mong sabihin?" he asks but got no answer from her. He sighs and finally asks her the one thing he has been meaning to all this time "Why do you like the sea? I always see you staring at it."
She smiles which could not quite reach her eyes. "Because it is only then I feel free."
"MENG! NANDYAN KA NANAMAN SA DAGAT NA YAN! UMUWI KA NA NGA!" someone screams from behind which startles them both. She hurriedly gets up and smiles at him.
A week passes and Meng did not show up, his mom was even worried at the amount of time he was wasting over just to sit at the same spot by the beach waiting for her.
That afternoon, he sees her at the same spot which made him smile as he runs towards her only for that smile to be wiped off his face as he sees the bruises she has all over.
"What the hell happened, Meng? Sino gumawa sa'yo nyan?"
She wipes away her tears and looks at him, on the verge of giving up "It doesn't matter, RJ. Wala namang magbabago sa mga nangyayari eh." She stands up and stares at the sea once more, slowly walking towards it. "Do you know why I love this place, RJ?" she says walking towards the waves. RJ runs towards her and tries to stop her but she shrugs off his hand. "That first day when you saw me, I was about to end my life. But I got curious, day after day, you continued to come by. You gave me a place of comfort. Ngayon ko lang naramdaman na gusto ko pang mabuhay." She continues to walk towards the sea and RJ could not stop her.
"If you want to live, then live! Bakit kailangan mong gawin ulit to?" he screams back at her and she stops, water barely at her waist.
She looks at him and smiles "Because even though I want to live, the world says otherwise. I will always remember this, RJ. I will always remember these moments which made me happy. I'm sorry...and thank you. Thank you for saving me." She says smiling back at him as she falls towards the end she wishes, to be free.
****
He stares at the sea as memories wash over him like a tidal wave. Meng will always have a special place in my heart, he muses. Even after years has passed since that day, he will always remember the smile she gave him at the end.
You say I saved you, Meng but you were wrong. You saved me.
