"Gumising ka na..."
She looks at him, stone-faced and devoid of any emotion like he always does; like those months before confining her in this...place. She looks around and sees the house where they both reside, a reality she chose.
"Gising..." the sound of his voice sends shivers down her spine. She could never have thought that someone as gentle as he could be reduced to what he seems to be, now. She looks at him and wishes that if she could turn back time, she would.
"Gising..." he says for the third time and she continues to look at him like he was still the same person she loved all those years ago; that he is the same person who she promised to spend her with.
She stands up and approaches him. She tries to touch him but he flinches at her touch, a punishment far worse than she could ever think of. She looks at her husband and does not blame him for everything she has been receiving right now. After all, she's that ungrateful slut who broke the trust of someone she should've treasured. Someone who she knew deserved better.
She remembers that night.
She remembers that awful night, of chaos and pain; a night she deserved for ruining her marriage.
Richard comes home from work only to see his house dark and quiet. He was expecting his wife to return home earlier than him. After all, it was their anniversary and he has a surprise waiting for her. He goes in, and a sudden dread washes over him. It seems like something's wrong. Richard goes into their house and as he gets deeper into their home, his heart seem to beat fast, May nangyari kaya kay Dei? He asks himself over and over. Richard approaches their room as he hears subtle voices coming from a distance. His heart beats faster as his had reaches for the knob. He opens the door only to crumble at what he sees.
His best friend and his wife.
Having sex.
In his house.
Under his roof.
While he was gone.
She gasps at the sight of him and hurries to scramble away from his best friend like the dirty woman she is. Dei approaches her husband trying to say everything at once only to blurt out nothing. "Hayaan mo akong magpaliwanag, Richard." She screams as she sees her husband approach the friend he thought he had and punches him with such force that made him shudder in pain. Dei could instantly feel the repercussions of her mistake when he looked at her with pain, anger, dejection and distrust all at once. The moment she saw him look at her without the love she knew was always there, Dei completely regretted everything.
"Kailan pa to nangyayari? Ginawa nyo akong tanga...kayong dalawa." Richard says in such calm that makes her want to throw up "Ikaw..." he turns to look at the friend he thought he trusted with his life "Kailan ka pa naging traydor? KAILAN NYO PA AKO NILOLOKO!"
"Pare, magpapaliwanag ako...." His friend approaches him but Richard backs away.
Richard closes his eyes and stops himself from murdering the man. "Umalis ka na....wag ka ng magpapakita ditto sakin, kahit kalian." He says in such deathly calm that made his former friend squirm in guilt. He gathers his clothes and goes out of the room, never looking back.
Richard turns to look at his wife who betrayed him. The person who he trusts more than everyone else, leaves him bleeding. "Ano ba ang ginawa ko at kailangan mo akong saktan ng ganito? Kung hindi mo na ako mahal, sana sinabi mo na lang. Hindi yung pinag mukha mo akong tanga." He says and leaves her sobbing uncontrollably.
She looks at his retreating back, tears clouding her vision "Patawad, Richard. Mahal kita. Ma---"
Yes, she remembers that night.
Even now after all those months ago, guilt washes over her. She wants to reach out but knows that what she did was far worse than the lowest of scum. How dare she do that to a person who loved her dearly? How dare she ask for his forgiveness? How can she tell him, he could punish her for all eternity? How could she want to plead for a love that she does not have a right to any longer?
Dei looks at the man at the picture on her wedding day and wishes that she could've stopped earlier. She knows that she does not have the right to ask for his forgiveness. She does not have the right to be happy.
She stands up and looks at him as she lays her letter at their bedside table. Dei grabs her bag and looks at the house one more time giving him the freedom he deserves and the happiness that should be solely his.
Mahal kita, Richard.
Sana sa sumunod na pagkakataon: ngayon man o sa susunod nating pagkikita, pagkatapos kong bayaran ang mga kasalanan ko sa'yo, sana ay hanapin mo ako. Kung meron pang puwang sa puso mo para patawarin mo ako, sana hanapin mo ako.
Maghihintay ako.
