I really hate this school. Everyone here has something to make fun of me for. I don't know what I ever did that made them hate me so much. I really hope I get to move in with my dad because this is really detrimental to my happiness and I can't stand it anymore.
I want to be happy. I want to be able to think about my future. I never even thought I'd make it to be 13, let alone 15. It's crazy how far I've come. I'm almost 2 weeks clean and I haven't been suicidal in a while.
I did try to overdose again last Thursday, but it was impulsive. I don't think I actually wanted to die. I had to get my stomach pumped and it was the most pain I've ever been in in my life. I never want to have to get that done ever again. My mom wanted me to be hospitalized again but the girl that assessed me and her supervisor didn't think it was necessary.
So while I was in the hospital, my dad told me that I might be spending the summer with him. If I do, he's going to get everything set up for court so I can finish high school with him. I honestly think that it will make me feel better because there's more room to breathe in his town. I can make new friends because honestly I don't really feel like I can tell anyone everything here. My mom thinks that I want to live there because my dad lets me date and he barely has any rules, but honestly I just want to get away from everything that is happening here. I don't feel like people here care about me.
So, there's barely anyone for me to open up to anymore. There's always something that gets in the way of me telling people things. Whether it be that they don't want to hear it or they have someone else that can log into their account so I can't tell them things without someone else reading it. I told some of the people I used to talk to to just stop talking to me all together because they were negatively affecting me. I'm tired of my "friends" telling other people what's happening in my life. If I tell someone something, I want them to keep it to themselves because I only told them. If I want to tell someone something about me, I will tell them because that's my business and not anyone else's.
I'm still not fully over Corey. It's hard to get over someone you gave everything to. He was my first EVERYTHING. I did things I said I'd never do until I was a certain age when I was with him. He made me feel things I had never felt before. I just wish he wouldn't have done what he did.
That's basically all that's on my mind right now. I'm alright right now I guess. I'm trying to get better so hopefully I stay like this.
