reckless ↛ pesy

• chapter five •

pre-editing cassy here. i'm on period now and boy when i say i'm not ready for the emotional rollercoaster i'm about to write? i mean it. anyway. happy reading, let me know ur thots.

cassy xx

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"Jessica? Please. I know this is a lot, so if you need space. I totally get it."

"Space? Oh like the space you've forced me into for the last few weeks?"

Perrie was not prepared for how hurt Jesy sounded. She knew it wasn't going to go over smoothly but Jesy was her best friend underneath it all. She's just hurt, Perrie reminded herself.

"Jesy, I didn't know how to tell you. And I didn't even know my feelings until a few days ago," Perrie responded back in the best tone she could find. It was hard to not lash back but that was not needed right now. She moved a little on the couch to hopefully reach out to touch Jesy's hand but she wasn't about to anything without her consent. She wasn't going to fuck up like that, she's not going to be reckless anymore with Jesy.

"No. It's okay. I didn't know myself till a week ago myself," the confession falling from the older woman's lips as if it was so easy. As if there wasn't any history between them. As if this conversation didn't start by the previous confession.

"Oh? A week ago? I," Jesy placed her hand right on top of her friend's, who jumped slightly at the touch. They could both feel it burning. They were both aware now. They were allowed to feel those thoughts now.

"Yeah, I thought it was normal to think of your friends like that. And I thought everyone stared at women like that, I'm starting to think I never even liked men to start out with, but that's for another day." Perrie noticed the tears in her friend's eyes and before she could think about what she was doing, her hand was already wiping the tear away. She pulled back her hand, regretting the decision. That was dumb, careless, opposite of everything she said she was going to do this time round.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to," immediately shushed by the older woman, Perrie was put in her place.

"No, I missed that. Us. I miss us," looking down, the brown hair falling in front of her face now, "even without the one-night stand hanging over us. I just want you. Nothing else."

Perrie could feel her heart swell, this was so much better than she expected. The next move, carefully calculated in her mind, to not push it too far. They weren't ready for anything else. Just enough to help. Perrie reached her hand up once again, cupping the side of the woman's face, rubbing her cheekbone softly with the brush of the thumb. Jesy gently closed her eyes, leaning into the touch. Before all of this, before the drunken night, before the phone-call with Alex, before everything, Perrie would've taken that burning feeling in her chest and chalked it up to anxiety.

But now they were both allowed to just be.

That is until there was a prompt knock on the door, Jade bursting in with some story and smushed her way between the two of them. Unaware of anything that might've happened. The two didn't mind, they were finally allowed.

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After a few weeks of not rooming together in the hotel rooms the girls got every now and then, Perrie finally asked again if she could be in a room with Jesy. Leigh and Jade tried to mask their surprise, but failed of course.