Dear diary,
My Day: I met this guy named Dil, Dil Howlter... funny name isn't it? He was very handsome and sweet though. I met him earlier today while I was in the park doing my daily run. He looked amazing burning those strangers summer barbecue and screaming at pigeons, he was so dreamy. Anyways we kinda hit it off and exchanged numbers. He also invited me to a house party he's throwing in a couple days! I probably wont go though. He probably just feels bad for me, its probably not genuine. I'd love to see him again, but I cant let anyone love me. Anyways I went to my therapist today and was prescribed with a new medication. Once that was done I ran to the pharmacy and just waited around until it was ready, i'm supposed to take it 3 times a day. I probably wont. But I cant get that Dil guy outta my head! He kinda looks like a mix of two YouTubers I watch!
My Feelings: I feel dark and cold, I feel smothered by myself. I want to leave my body and not be connected to it. I want to be a walking mind. I hate being connected to my body. I hate having to live up to simciety's expectations on the outside but struggling to put all the pieces together inside. I'm really struggling here. My therapist is asking for me to sign off to two weeks in a mental hospital but I
said "No way! I'm not crazy!". Anyways I feel like this party could really help. I'm going!
Song Of The Day: Mad Hatter by Melanie Martinez. I like this one because it helps me except the fact I have a mental illness that isn't going anywhere . Its a comfort thing, like I'm not alone. Especially this lyric: "over the bin, interlay bonkers, you like me best when I'm off my rocker". It speaks to me. Also I'm gay for Melanie Martinez honestly.
Other Thoughts: speaking of which I'm thinking about my sexuality, I mean I know I was born pansexual but I like more than just the personality and I honestly find negative things on people quite a bit. So I don't know what to think right now, as I said still putting the pieces together inside so how am I supposed to worry about the inside? Being 21 is stressful!
September 19 &:!3&29/:
9:23 pm
- Tabitha
YOU ARE READING
Tabs might be sad.
FanfictionWhat happens to Tabitha when she becomes traumatized by a book?
