lovesick [cole sprouse] ✔️

(33)

colesprouse: taking the birthday girl out to dinner

tagged; ryanmiller27

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***

cole was driving to a restaurant for ryan's birthday. it was the fanciest place in town, but ryan didn't know that.

she looked up from her phone after getting the notification that cole had tagged her in a picture and a tear dropped from her eye. "why did you do that?"

"do what, babe?" he asked, keeping his eyes on the road.

"tell everyone it was my birthday." ryan said, another tear falling.

cole looked over and saw the tears falling from her face. he pulled over and grabbed her hand. "babe, i'm sorry. i didn't know it would make you upset."

"i told you i didn't want you to make a big deal out of it." she said. "i didn't want everyone to know."

"baby-"

"please, don't." she said, taking her hand out of his and turning her head towards the window.

"ryan, talk to me." cole said, rubbing her back. "why don't you like your birthday?"

she placed a hand on her forehead as she cried. "cole-"

"ry." cole cut her off. "come on."

she turned around and faced him. cole wiped the tears off her face. "tell me."

"it was my sixteenth birthday." she started, feeling another tear fall down her face. "my friends planned a huge party for me at one of their houses. everyone was there, and i mean everyone. someone brought kegs - to this day i can't remember who - and we were all drinking." ryan stopped and wiped the years from her eyes. "so around midnight, i called lawson and told him that i needed a ride home. he didn't come to the party because he was studying for his AP test, which is what i should have been doing, even if it was my birthday. anyway, he told me that he couldn't come get me because jess, his girlfriend, had come over. he told our parents that i needed a ride home because i was in no state to drive, and they understood. they were teenagers at some point, too, so they knew how this all went. so, my dad came and picked me up. he wasn't mad, he was just disappointed. i even remember what he said... 'ryan, what you did tonight was completely your decision. however, i am extremely disappointed in you. i expected more from you. your mother and i didn't raise you to be this irresponsible.' i started crying in the car because i had never lost the trust and respect from my dad. it was terrible. i just kept apologizing and apologizing, but he didn't care." ryan's tears were falling much faster now. "we were arguing at a stop light. it was a four way intersection, and there weren't any cars around. he wasn't paying attention, and he drove during the red light. he didn't see the car." ryan broke down. she put her head in her hands and sobbed, letting cole rub her back. "he's dead and it's all my fault."

"it's not your fault, ry."

"yes it is." she said. "i'm the one who got wasted at a party. i'm the one who made him come get me."

"baby, it's not your fault. you couldn't have known that it was going to happen." cole said, leaning over the console of his car to hug her.

"he died thinking that i was a screw-up." she sobbed. "he died hating me."

"ryan... he doesn't hate you. he never hated you." cole said. "he was just angry. it's okay."

"i'm sorry." she whispered. "i'm sorry for ruining this night."

"babe, you didn't ruin this night, okay? i promise i will never celebrate a birthday with you again, and i shouldn't have pushed it." he said. "let's go back to my place and watch our show, okay? does that sound good?"

ryan nodded. "thank you."

"i would do anything for you." he said. "anything."

[4/20/17]

this chapter makes me sad.