Lunar Girl

The Beggining

People may see me as the happy girl or the girl who always is on vacation or doing something fun, but sometimes that means nothing. Being happy in person means that I'm occupied; I'm being distracted by something so the pain is hidden. That may sound overly dramatic but I am. Let me start at the beginning of my story. My name is Violet, some may see my name as unique but I don't mind. I'll start the story at the time I vividly remember. It was over 2 years ago when I met someone. Our encounter was random and unexpected. His name was James. He sent me a message over Instagram one night and just said hi. I was confused at to why someone would randomly just text me but I didn't mind. James said he messaged me because "he was bored and needed friends", but I saw it as something more. I could tell he liked me, it was pretty clear. Words of woe such as "you're beautiful" to "I hope I can meet you" showed me his real feelings. A day or two later it was Christmas night. I received a message that night that asked for me to be his girlfriend. Being the absent minded person I was, I said yes without really thinking. A week later, we met in person. It was an awkward first meeting. James was shorter than expected; he dressed in kaki pants and a camouflage sweatshirt. I wasn't very impressed but appearance doesn't matter very much to me. He smelled of fire but somehow I liked it yet hated it all at once. The boy was sweet and I cannot forget his utmost beautiful blue eyes. A day I cannot forget with him is when he burst into tears on my basement floor. His father had passed away of a heart condition and the memories of his death came back to him. My natural instinct of course was to just hugging him until the pain faded. The tears were swept away and the crying ended. Days with him turned into months. Suddenly, I did not get to see him every weekend. We didn't go to the same school so weekend were the time we could spend together. Three months passed and it became hard for him to see me. His mom sometimes had issues driving. She suffered from seizures. I could not help but feel bad for him, always did and probably always will. James became busy and I stopped receiving texts from him. No more good night texts, I barely got a response from him at all. Skype calls turned into me watching him talk to others and play video games. I started to lose interest. It pained me to do it, but I dumped him. He cried but went away in my life. Then he came back about a week later. A long message from him awaited me on my phone. Words of sorrow and love were sent to me. I took him back, that was a bad decision on my part. I don't know why I thought anything would change. Desperation I guess came over me. During that time when we got back together, I met someone else new. His name also happened to be James. We met after a school dance. My best friend at the time, Elizabeth, wanted to FaceTime a friend of ours at a sleep over. Over FaceTime I noticed there was someone else with him. My friend then introduced me and Elizabeth to James. After that night, James asked my friend for my number. Text after text, that James and I talked all the time. I had realized what had happened. This new James became the guy I wanted. I broke the news to my boyfriend that nothing changed and I think we should break up for good. He understood and we didn't speak for the next many months. A week after our breakup, that boy I met over FaceTime then became my boyfriend. My heart was still in pain over James. I suppose the new boyfriend was to help me heal. Something you should know about me is that I'm constantly needing someone. It's a bad habit I know but it's who I am. At that point in time I didn't realize what I got myself into; I had made the decision to be with someone for a year and a half. That year an a half changed my life.