Feeling a sudden pain in the chest and not knowing where she is making her feel so anxious. She can’t see a thing but she know she is in some kind of hall somewhere. She just appeared here and she don’t know if she’s asleep dreaming or if this is reality, but she knows one thing: she feels empty and lonely. The hall is dark and there’s no sing of life there. She don’t hear footsteps or anything that let her know she’s not alone here. “Should I feel safe or scared? What should I do? Should I run looking for someone or should I just try to go back?” those are the thoughts that run through her mind. She just doesn’t know what to do.
Looking around trying to see something is a wasted of time there. Suddenly, she starts seeing something in the distance, a light coming out of a door at the end of the hall. The same thoughts keep running through her mind overwhelming her. She knows she’s not afraid, she’s completely terrified but, at the same time, a part of her feels safe enough to go in there. She finds herself walking towards the door. When she reaches for the doorknob, the door opens itself. She walks through the door and finds herself in a complete white room. Suddenly, she feels shivers going down her spine. She looks around trying to see something more and there she is in a plain white room not knowing why she feels the need to be here. Then someone enters the room, her grandfather. Her mind starts going wild and she doesn’t know how to react.
“Grandpa…” she said feeling a lump in her throat “How… but you…” she just can’t complete the sentence.
Her grandfather looks at her with a big smile on his face. He looks peaceful and happy.
“I’m here to see you, to talk to you” he said calmly.
“Is this a dream or…” she can’t continue what she’s saying, “I… I don’t understand.”
“Sweetie, it doesn’t matter if this is a dream or not. What matters is that we’re together.” She reaches for his hands but he moves backward and says “I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone. I’m always looking after you and I’ll always will be but I need to go…”
She doesn’t understand a single thing of all this and she has so many mixed emotions while she listens carefully to what her grandfather is telling her. She feels the tears trying to escape from her eyes and the lump in her throat getting tighter. She wants to ask him so many things but she’s aware that if she tries to say a single word, she will burst out in tears.
He continues “...I need to rest in peace. That’s what you all want me to do but any of you have let me go and I need to go. I’m not asking you to forget about me or get over it but there are moments in life that you just need to learn how to deal with them. You don’t need to forget about the good memories we share but you need to remember them with good and beautiful feelings not with pain and sadness. I know you miss me and I miss all of you but I understand this is part of life and that I’m better now. I’m asking you to understand that, too.”
She can’t control herself anymore and bursts out in tears and sobs falling to the floor on her knees. She sees everything as a blur like she has a cloud blocking her view. She needs him to hug her and tell her everything’s going to be fine and tell her he’s here alive not as a ghost or a spirit, something like that. Her grandfather takes a footsteps towards her and helps her to get up.
“See? I’m here but I need to go. Don’t be sad, be happy for me. When I was alive, I was suffering so much and it was painful to continue like that. God knew it was my time and He called me to be with Him for eternity. I’m good now and soon, if you all let me go, I’ll be in a better place…” he says trying to make his granddaughter to understand his point “I have to go now. Remember what I said. Tell everyone I love them and to let me go. I’ll be looking out for all of you. I love you”, then he disappeared in front of her eyes and she just closes her eyes to try stop the tears to continue going out and to calm herself.
She suddenly opens her eyes and found herself on her bed in her room. There she realizes everything was just a dream but not any dream, this was a special dream. She has been feeling empty, sad, lonely and anxious and she hasn’t been able to figure out why but now she understands. Part of her has been remembering the day her grandfather passed away. After everything they did to save him from that disease, there was no way he was going to survive. Now she understands she needs to stop remembering that day with so much pain and remember the good moments they shared. She doesn’t feel anything she was feeling lately anymore because now she knows he’s better now. That doesn’t mean she doesn’t miss him but now she knows he’s looking after her.
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Exactly two years ago my grandfather (my dad's father) passed away. He had cancer and, well, he wasn't fine at all. I knew, the day he passed away, that he was going to a better place but I was so mad and sad because he wasn't with me, because that stupid disease took him away from me, from the family. I have been feeling so empty and lonely for days and it was just because I have been thinking about him and questioning why he had to die. Is not easy when you lose someone and for me this has been hard to deal with but last night I had dream that made me realize that he's better and we need to let him go. We're always talking about him and thinking about all the "what if?" possibles for this situation just because we thought everyone just want us to get over someone who was, has been and will always be extremely important for us; but we don't need to get over him, we just need to deal with the situation and understand that he's better now, he's better than he has never been.
I decided to write this as a way of letting all my emotions out but I think it's a great idea sharing it with all of you because we all have been through the same or a similar situation.
