Torment

HARDEST OF HEARTS

Sunray slowly slanted on the windowpanes that directly radiated Rosalie's face. Almost immediately, she stirred by the flexing brightness of the sun. It was then followed by the unbearable heaviness in her head and limbs. Consequently, Rosalie forced to open her eyes but she had to squeezed them shut again for a while to gain her focus. She inhaled and exhaled deeply. The chirping of the birds was audible but the sound of the piano from afar was even louder. Rosalie recognised Erik Satie's Gnosienne 3 being played. This melancholic and haunting sound soothed her. Whoever was playing the music, it sounded glorious and comforting in her ears. It was almost like a dream. But was she actually awake? Or was she just dreaming? Rosalie had no idea.

When her eyes fluttered again, Rosalie was bewildered. Gently, she sat on the bed. A moment later, she gasped a suck of air the moment she realised that she was in Homer's old room. And she was alone. Rosalie could not be dreaming. She recognised the room perfectly, from the cabinet, the windows, the bed, the side table – everything. It was surprising that Homer was able to preserve the chamber so well. She gulped. His old room, how it reminded her of the times they used to spend their nights when they were young.

Her attention was then focused on the floor when she saw her shoes and the fragments of her torn gown scattered around. Rosalie stared on them confusedly but the coldness of the morning breeze from the opened windows brought a chilling sensation to her skin. It took her a while to decipher the reality that her body was still bore from last night. She immediately clutched the blanket on her chest tightly. Last night... last night, she was a sinner. And so, Rosalie had proven that making love with Homer was not a dream either.

Although still quite bemused by the alcohol, the image of Homer holding, touching and kissing her suddenly came rushing back to her mind. It made her blush for some stupid reasons. She had no rights to feel that way, she was too old to have those emotions and it wasn't just that, there was no denying that she was an adulterer.

Rosalie swallowed hard and massaged her right temple. Indeed, it was wrong but it felt so right. She could not regret it. Not now that she had nothing to lose anymore. Edgar was just as evil as her. Both of them had been unfaithful to one another. She betrayed him and so did he. Edgar had enchanted her with his material wealth and most importantly, he was the reason why she lost her daughter for a very long time. He was the reason why she had been tormented for so years. It had been too long already Rosalie was so tired of lying. She loved Homer and no one else. Now, every time she would see her diamond wedding ring, there was this force that was pushing her to take it off her finger.

She clenched her left fist instead and wondered where Homer could have been. Rosalie was not surprised that he was not with her though. It was a bit late already and because Rosalie knew she was the reason why Homer changed. She was the reason for all his sufferings in life. Years ago, he would have woken up next to her or even speak his love for her but things were different now. She didn't know Homer that much anymore. However, at the same she could not help but to think that Homer still longed for her. What they had done last night, was a symbol of his undying yearning for Rosalie. Perhaps, if she could love him better this time, Rosalie could bring her Homer back. She knew, she just knew she would do everything for him. She could not let him go. If he really didn't want her anymore, what was the point of their actions last night?

So many years had been murdered and created but the fire within them was still burning bright and strong. So many years, she had never felt Homer like this before. So many years, she never actually had given her self a chance to be finally truthful about her feelings. That even being married with Edgar and committing adultery for Homer did not bother her anymore. Rosalie already had already reached the epiphany, like a flower that had bloomed in spring season she realised she could never live without Homer again. It was her time to fight for him. If he asked her again to run away, she would definitely go with him. Rosalie was ready to do everything to be with him no matter what happens in the future. She would burn with Homer without hesitations.