The temptation is too much to bear. So cold against my warm skin. I drag the blade across my arm in six vertical lines. The alcohol burns, that's what I need. I crave the burn, the single sensation that pumps adrenaline throughout my body. So addicting, its my own personal drug. Taking deep breathes I put away my tools. Going cold turkey is harder than I thought. They think I cut because of my sexuality and family issues, if only they knew how wrong they are. That's how it all began, trying to release the inner pain I never told anyone about. Now I just cut out of necessity. Without cutting I feel empty.
Everyone around me thinks I'm all better. In reality, I've gotten worse. I've learned how to hide better, lie without thinking, and that I have never truly been happy. All my life I've hated myself, I pushed it into a forgotten corner of my mind, until now. Having as much time to think as I do can drive someone insane. The line between sanity and psychotic is very fine, I have long since crossed it.
He visits me every night, Dell does. He said his name is Insegnante Della Volpe, but I can call him "Dell" for short. I think it's Italian for something. My name, Bella Donna D'amore, is Italian for something too. Dell likes to hold my hand and lay down with me while he's here. He's really funny, the only time I genuinely smile is when I'm with him. He kissed me once, I pretended to be upset, I didn't really mind though. Dell is super hot and I feel this weird connection to him. With his green-blue eyes, to his black as night bed head styled hair that fits him so well, to his overwhelming height of 6'1". He is this definition of sexy.
He can be very ominous at times, like almost every night he always asks me "Who are you?" It kind of reminds me of that pot head caterpillar from Alice In Wonderland. Every time I ask him questions he always responds with "Patience my vixen, patience." Dell has been coming to me since my sixteenth birthday. I'll be eighteen in a month. Dell said that is when everything will be answered. He has never led me astray so I have no reason not to trust him.
I think of all this as I lay bleeding on my bed. I should be getting up now. I get up and grab my towel and head to my bathroom to shower and rinse off this blood, dried and scabbing over in places. The shower relaxes me, bringing me down off my high. My mother is gone, she doesn't get off work until nine. I think I'm gonna skip tomorrow. No one will ever know. I'll go get some breakfast, then go over my sister's house. I don't know, shit. I may just walk to school. Getting up early isn't that bad when you can end up doing shit like that. I cant wait till I turn eighteen. Then I can finally be free.
I used to imagine getting emancipated at sixteen, then moving out of this god forsaken house. It never happened. My mother made me feel guilty about leaving her. I tried my hardest to say fuck it and walk out, but she started crying and I gave in. Not this time, when I turn eighteen I'm leaving and I'm not gonna give two flying fucks about my family. They don't give a fuck about how I feel, so fuck them with their holier than thou fake as fuck attitudes. It's a good thing I have Dell, or else I would have killed myself years ago. Whatever, I don't care.
The water suddenly turned colder than a penguin's balls. I must have been here for a while. I finish washing then quickly rinse off the suds. I get out and turn off the water. Shivering as I walk into my room, I close the door behind me. I put on my sleepy clothes and hop in bed. I plug my phone up next to me. Screamo plays until sleep claims me.
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Okayyyy. So this was the first chapter hehe. *stands there awkwardly* *scratches neck* ummmm I hope you liked it lol. I'm gonna try to do a weekly update, but don't count on it. I'm only human you know........ or am I *arches eyebrows* lol jkjk but ummm this is gonna go pretty fast for a lil while. Also there is going to be very naughty things going on pretty soon so be prepared. You have been warned.... ummm yeah so ummm COMMENT/VOTE/FAN pwetty pweaseeee lol ok byeeeeeeee *disappers in a cloud of smexyness*
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Insanity At Midnight
RomanceBelle has a secret that she can't tell anyone. No one notices her inner struggle...no one but Dell. Dell has a mission. His mission is to train Belle. For him it isn't just a job anymore. He's done something that is forbidden for his kind. He fell...
