Junior High is the Epitome of maturing. Whether you're evolving into angel or manifesting into a demon, those are the years that your training wheels ease you into teenage life. With the wrong turn, it could send you down a path you don't want to go down. If not careful, your whole entirety of what makes you who you are can be morphed. Grade school doesn't prepare you for that, at least not the way you'd hope.
You don't really see life as this serious struggle of survival until it hits you. Middle school is where it hit me..
I was already a weird kid, doing things like talking to myself and being awkward. I had also recently moved into the area, so neither helped in the long haul. However, even with my issues I was still a good kid. I was nice to as many people as I could be, I mean I had my share of disagreements but they never escalated physically. But the more I disagreed with someone, the less they liked me. Found myself getting teased a bit.
My closest friends in the school were mostly Caucasian, I noticed how their personalities reflected onto me and we all were this weird group of nerds. Now that I think about it, I can only remember about 3 kids who weren't white. There were 2 black kids named Justin and Edward, then a Hispanic guy named Christian. My other closest friends were these 3 white guys named Will, Mason, and Blake. Apparently the fact that I hardly had friends my race was another tease to pick on.
We gotten deeper into the school year and I found myself closest to Blake. I had been over Edward's house a few times and met his family but I went to Blake's even more. I meanother's family as well, things were so simple back then. His mom and dad were happy, his grandparents were healthier, his dog was still alive, and even though he and his brothers fought like usual siblings they still loved each other.
I loved being over there, it would give me this happiness and fill me with hope that maybe one day I could grow a family as such. It was the happy family I always wanted, yet never had.
As Blake and I grew closer, Enigma and I grew further apart. Before long the teasing turned into bullying, and the bullying became a big issue. I was an emotional kid, never truly saw the world as the violent environment as it was so I was still innocent in the sense. It was difficult for me to keep myself together during most times and being a cry baby didn't help my cause. I started to build up with so much rage but never wanted to take it out on anyone.
I was ashamed. Ashamed to say I was bullied, even more ashamed to say I didn't stand up for myself. Not many people knew. I was weak, in the mind and in the body. I did absolutely nothing..
So I started to believe that I was nothing..
With every passing day Enigma was filling my head with thoughts, bad thoughts. It was the reason we drew apart. He'd tell me to do certain things, forced me to listen. I had no choice but to, the guy was in my head. Wasn't before long that I had suicidal thoughts. However suicide wasn't the only thing on my mind.
Enigma was a poison, Infecting my daily life with urges. Every fun night with Blake's family, I'd get an urge to grab a kitchen knife and slit their throats. Every abusive moment with bullies, I'd get the urge to snap their necks. Every mirror I starred at, I'd get the urge to break it to pieces with my bear fists. Mirrors became the most indecisive to me. Every time I looked through one I saw a lost soul. An empty voyage without love. A broken tear full of hatred of itself. It'd only made sense to end the life that wasn't worth living. So I planned my own suicide.
One day in gym class this kid named Eddie (not Edward, different kid), who actually was the main person to bully me decided to cheat in a game, we were all outside. The coaches weren't outside because of an emergency so I called Eddie out and he replied by calling me a fagot. For some reason that word upset me so much.
